Vie.

too bad it's not raining men.

2008-07-02T22:38:00.002+08:00

I know, dang. If only.
So.. surprise surprise! Jacq. is actually. blogging. again. Oh shut up, Lai. It's not raining, hah!

I've been totally caught up with this whole college life thing. I swear, it's not an excuuuuse.
The number of assignments I get in a week plus the homework plus the revision plus the presentations I have to prepare for... mmm. You'll never know. Well, maybe you would. One day. But you probably don't now!! Looooser.

I kinda have to be up at 5.45am tomorrow morning, but I have the sudden urge to blog.
And, I've got so much in my head. But, as usual - I can't spill it out on blog. I do better with my big fat mouth :D I'll try, anyway.

Oh, and this entry is dedicated to one of my two sunshine missies. Laila. She made me :P
Megan & Laila are my lil sunshine missies cause they're like the big ass sun.
Wait, two big ass suns that brighten up my days. Get it? Big ass? ehehehe. Anyone with a bigger ass than mine has a big ass, duhh. Hence, everyone's a big ass!

Okay, I'm sorry. heee :)

So, I should cut the crap and get right down to business.

I've got a hot lecturer :D:D Riiiight Megan? nyehh.
Motivation to get a high distinction in Math.

OKAY. OKAY. Now I'll cut the crap. Sheesh.
He's just too good looking to be my lecturer.
This should be illegal : Lecturers can't be hotties.
--
I still want to write a book :) And, I thought of a cover. For the book, I mean.
A stalk of rose. The most beautiful looking one you'd ever see :
Perfect crimson petals with no defects.
Obviously, joining at the bottom would be its stem. The most natural looking stem :
Neither green nor brown, with small and sharp thorns sticking out.

Overall, a rose that looks and is healthy enough to live a life.

AHH, stop thinking I'm being corny. I mean, it's a perfect picture.
This. would be a picture. that. would mean. a. thousand. words.
Almost literally;
--
My butt hurts. Nite.

ps. I'm mooooving. To bu7 :)

noone else will know who it is :D

2008-03-26T11:18:00.005+08:00

It has been a long time, I know. And, you miss me. I know that too :)
I'm only doing this cause Louis asked me to haha! You miss reading me don't you :P

So, I'm back with stories, since I've started college!
I'm studying at the Help Matriculation Centre in HELP University College.
Doing Foundation in Arts.

With Megan and Louis <33

So orientation was on the 17th of le March. Yes, Noah Aswan's birthday!!
Orientation. Was. A. Bore.
But, you know, who cares about orientations when your best friend's looking out for hotties?
She found two. Or three? Well, a couple.
And male bestie met a pretty dumb girl! HAHA.
Get it? pretty. and. pretty dumb. HAHAHAHA. :P
Oh my goodness, Louis, I never knew we would come across that much of a dumbo.
Like, in human form. Daaamn.

Class started on the 18th.
IT and Math.
IT. sucks. balls.
Lecturer. sucks. more. balls. with. american. malay. slang.

Quote.
So, I guess that brings out the kampong boy in me, eh?
Unquote.

Math is killer fun. Joel Charles rocks the freaking theaterette.

Megan is friends with her acquaaaaaaaintance :D

And, so.. days pass.
English lecturer is such a bitch.
IT is becoming boring-er.
Math is still killer fun.
Study Skills.. nothing much.

The thought of me being all quiet during classes due to
ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY DIFFERENT TIMETABLE
with each other,
was a total false alarm in my head! LOL.

Megan is friends with her acquaaaaaaaintance :D

Met some crazy chicas in my class.
Simren, the only female traditional drummer in Malaysia.
Jovita, the national dancer. Performs at god knows what grand prix dance championships ok!! lol
Grace, the ex home schooler all her life who sat for SATs.
Han Zhou, dude from...uh.. Ipoh? Reads Men's Weekly. Horny fella.
Gideon, the Sabahan who lives at the HELP Residence. We'll take you out one day so you don't have to suffer at the nothing-to-do-hostel :)

Pictures, next time. Only have Simren's currently.

Megan is friends with her acquaaaaaaaintance :D

Classmates :
Aadil. FINE, it is double 'a' and not double 'd'! haha..
Abdoo. HAHAHA. so funny!! "yes ma'am"
Shervin aka Tobon. Miss English Lecturer, let the boy say what he wants.
One big group of Chinese girls; they all seem very very very nice (:
Aaah, there's more. Too many more.
I likey my class:)

Louis walked into a big giant wall of glass yesterdaaaaaaaaaaay!
lol :P
Even when I'm alone, thinking about it can still make me laugh. out. loud!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
And his poor eepod veedio went thru some retardation. HAHAHAHAHA.

Megan is friends with her acquaaaaaaaintance :D

Tune in next time!
xoxo

rig rat.

2008-02-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

Yeap, I need you, bloggie :(

It's been a looooong day. and, yeah. a loooooong time too.

I wore a Cheongsam to church today;) aaahh. talk about butterflies in my tummy.

Then. The first bad part :
European Pervertic Stalker. wooh. I even have a name for that loser!

Then. The second bad part. And, I'm not leaving the laptop.
Til edgar nozouka love is religion leaves.

No. Not for Melb. Yet.
181818181818181818

rwr..

kumonnnn.

2008-01-15T22:35:00.000+08:00

if you don't already know,
i work at kumon now!!! :D

it's funnnnn.

<3

who is that man?

2008-01-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

who is that man,
whom i lent rm15 to?

who is that man,
who's killing us slowly?

who is that man,
who plays 'father' sometimes?

who is that man,
who's standing tall?

who is that man,
who never completes anything that he starts?

who is that man,
who is an alcoholic?

who is that man,
who hurts us everytime he's intoxicated?

who is that man,
whom i lived without for a year?

who is that man?

no, i do not want to shake his hands.
thanks.

mind of peace of mind.

2008-01-09T22:54:00.000+08:00

i think, it's coming back to me.

time for total independance.

2008-01-03T10:29:00.000+08:00

If I were a year younger, I'd be in school. Rather, I should be in school. At this hour on a Thursday. Instead, I'm sitting here, blogging. Dressed up & ready to go job hunting with Megan.
I'm turning eighteen this year. And, it's scaring me. I am no more that kid who goes "Mom/Dad, can I have some money please?" or "Mom/Dad, can you please do this/that for me." or "Mom/Dad, can you send me here/there please?" etc. You get my point.

Now, it's all up to me. Make my own plans. Not go to every party that's on. Eat when I'm supposed to. Take myself to places. Earn some money. Get my Mandarin and French classes by myself.

This 'total independance' thing started a month before SPM. I got myself out of bed early in the morning, and head to the library with Nick to study for the coming exam. Day after day, time and money management was all up to me. There wasn't any parent there to guide me on what to do or where to eat.

"It wasn't that bad", I thought.

When I now think of my own future; that I want to study overseas by myself for a year or two, my heart beats a tad bit faster than it should. I think of how I will get through everyday with full meals and full hours of studying and good hours of sleep.

It's time now, to feed my two lil doggies. Then, walk down to the photo shop to collect my pictures for my college application. Then prolly head to the Kumon Centre down the other road to see if they offer part-time jobs to school-leavers awaiting results. I hope and pray I get a job there. x)

If I don't. I'll call Puan Rosnah of Sri Bestari to ask if I can work as a part-time teacher there for English in Year One.

I'd be glad if I get a job there. But. I don't have appropriate clothes to wear as a teacher. Lol.

If I don't get one there, I'll try the Kindergarten down the road.

If all fails, some shop in One Utama BETTER accept me & my request of "5 days a week only" (:

Gotta run now! Cross your fingers.

taking the next turn.

2008-01-01T17:25:00.000+08:00

So, we're in the year 2008. Happy New Year ya'll (:

I had the most pathetic new year this year. I (yes, all by myself) welcomed the year 'o8 byb snuggling under my sheets. Then woke up to catch a glimpse of the fireworks.

I freegyn love fireworks. I'd do anything just to watch 'em do their thing way up high in the sky and through the misty clouds of Malaysia.

So, that's it.

Might go for the New Year/house-warming party tonight at Jon's.

Oh right, resolutions.

1. Temper. Obviously.
2. Do well for my Foundation.
3. Spend less, save more.

That's all. For now. (:

Toodles.
xx

adam levine

2007-12-31T11:20:00.000+08:00

is SO hot. mmm (:

i vant a lollay.

2007-12-28T19:07:00.001+08:00

went for dinner with le stu pans last night. met le female stu pan again today for shopping (:

can't get enough of her. haha!

then went for practice. we're perfroming at gardens tmrw at 2pm and 5pm! don't come.
we look stupid. lol.

homygah. i think i've lost ze writing skill.

:(

let me see..
oh. i cleaned my room today. well, part of it. it looks. empty. without all the books. oh well.

hurm.
i feel like..
going into an elevator filled with people. clicking on all the floors. get out at the next.
and let them enjoy the rest of the ride. weeeeoooohhh...okay.

bye. i'm going to jamaica.

schizophrenic.

2007-12-26T16:14:00.000+08:00

I am back! (:

I know, I promised a post after SPM.. but caroling came crowding in, followed by Christmas.

Well, at least I am back. Better late than never (?)

So. I've got major updates.

1. SPM went quite smooth. Except for history. And Bible. No high expectations. At all.

2. Glad it's over :D

3. Caroling rocked as usual. Got closer to Noel! My ever loving bimbotic partner. Yes, he is a guy.

4. Pahang flood victims, you guys are gonna be alright. The sum we've collected so far is a bomb, I predict.

5. Pavillion is a total go-there-only-if-you-have-RM200-as-minimum-in-your-pocket mall. Otherwise, go straight to the ground floor, grab 1901 or some doughnuts and go home. Oh, don't forget to wait around for some food testers. (: I can only afford the parking.

6. Christmas shopping was a total mess, despites how awesome my gifts are this year! Hahaha, seriously. All who got gifts from me, pretty good taste huh? Going to search for gifts for the male gender, was killer. You men. You men are difficult. rawwr. At least it's all done. Now's just the giving out part.

7. Next, a change of tradition. This was hard to accept. To miss midnight mass and not go for a christmas eve dinner, was totally awkward. Somewhat depressing in a way. But in another, a new beginning never goes wrong (:

8. A week of not meeting up with or hearing from the one you're head over heels for sucked. But it gets really awesome when they're back!

9. It's weird how I don't have to get ready fro school next year. I've been watching tv in my shorts&tee I slept in last night. Without a bra on for a halfday is very relaxing. But. Still, weird.
Having every meal at home. Wow, I feel like a bigass bum. COOL :D

10. Cass was Santarina in Ikano this year!

11. Hafiz from 50 Gorgeous watched me perform at Ikea :) Nice to see you! We should ALL meet at the reunion. Make sure everyone goes!!

12. I got a skinny jean from Victoria Beck's clothing line, a rockstar sweater, a new purse from Rusty (sister brand to Quiksilver), a new handbag, an oil painting of fish (more like pee-raa-nas), a Sexy Nerd notebook, a new funky TV, the book of Eleven, a lantern light, a Body Shop soap.. so far! heaheaaa;D

13. I like my christmas tree. It's bronze. droools. And gold. And bronze. YUMM..

14. I can't wait for college!!!

15. Auntie Audrey, sorry I didn't go for midnight mass!! When can I see you again? With your nephew? Lol. Sorry I don't know his name!

16. Astrid has a boyfriend. How cute! She's a killer player. Rock on, babe! (;

17. I love Megan & Laila. Do you?
Course you do. Well, you better.

18. I ate a lot this year. Every house we went to perform that provided awesome food, I whacked. That house which had pasta. And the other which had chicken wings. Oh, and the one with pie. An the house with spicy bee hoon. Ohhh mama, foooooood.

19. I can't wait to start gym, Mandarin class, French class and work (with good doe:) !

Oh, how nice. I'm done. At nineteen (:

Oh crap! Forgot to mention that we sang for Mercedes Benz. And they picked us up with some beauties. Had good food there. Then our mercedes benz's drivers dropped us off at Ikea after our performance. Tell me about it, jakun divas. :D

Til next time!
xx

paradoxes.

2007-11-04T18:30:00.000+08:00

Why yes, I have been studying. Freaking SPM is, slowly yet steadily, killing me. This one last week is the hardest to bear compared to having months left. It's like a tease. A bloody tease.

Yes, I do fear exams. It's normal when you know you're an average student. With all the expectations and stupid distractions, exams get harder than it already is.

I shall not complain about how much I despise the Malaysian education ways and how I never ever ever want my kids to live in Malaysia and get tortured the way I am being now :)

So, finally. No more school "school" for the rest of my life. Time to enhance and find out more about what I'm interested in.

Who cares about you? You're not one of them, you don't speak their language. You're just that girl who hangs out with them. You don't fit in. So stand out. I get it, I get it.

After all, I'm sure we'll never meet again. It wouldn't mind to you if it really went that way, would it? So why should I mind?

:) I'm happier without them. I'm sad though, with you : the one person whom everyone else perceive as my 'sibling'. Oh well, things happen for a reason. I'm totally cool being on troubled waters with you.

So, FEMALE magazine is late this month due to minor errors. But, it's out NOW! And yours truly is still in there x) SO GET YOUR COPY NOW! hahahaaa!

Friday, 9th of November 2007 - Listen to Fly Fm in the morning 8) They called to ask if they could interview yours truly, so, duh, I said 'YES!'

Tomorrow is Xin's birthday! Lunch shall be at Delicious. Oh shit, I gotta call Mr. Ted!! Now.

The next blog would prolly be written only after SPM. Soo miss me but not too much, It'll kill.

Au revoir! (:

2007-10-29T18:24:00.000+08:00

mmm. i'm at blitzone 8)

What's wrong with me?

2007-10-27T17:05:00.000+08:00

Was it me or was the sun really shining right on you while the angels sang in echo?
Shining on all your right places : your nose, your eyes, you ears, your hair, your Adam's apple, your chin, your neck... and pointing out all your charm.
Yes, everything on you is right. Just right.
Even that drop of perspiration falling off your scalp to your forehead caught my eye. Sunlight through it made the colours of the rainbow stand out so clear, almost blinding my eyes with the pleasuring pain I felt. Yet, I did not stop staring...

Was it me or did your arm really brush against mine?
Leaving me dumbfounded and thinking, typically, to myself : "Oh my gosh, he touched me!"
Goosebumps, as they say, were screaming outta' my skin. Screaming, demanding for your touch once more...

Was it just me or did you really wanna kiss me too?
Cheek, forehead, lips, nose, arm, wherever. I just needed to taste the love I never tasted. Curiosity normally kills, but not this time it didn't. You tasted like the kind I fancy. Way better than how a chocolate cake would taste to a hungry fat kid. It was you...

Was it just me or were you also fantasizing about us?
Calling out to each other using childish pet names, cuddling on the beach...

Was it just me or were you secretly looking at me while I was looking away; like I was, you?
The way your nose slightly wriggles when you exhale warm consoling air, the way your eyes twinkle in the sunlight, they way your jaw moves - it's rather visible from the outside of your cheek, the way you slightly frown with your eyebrows when you feel the scorching sun torturing to damage your delicate dark brown eyes...

Now, is it just me or do you wanna hold me in your arms; like I want, you?
Listening to the very constant heartbeat, feeling warm air from your nose teasing me on my forehead, examining your skin like a blind man on his Brail...

-- or are you just too way damn right?

J - A - C - K - I - E (?)

2007-10-22T16:34:00.000+08:00

It all started on October 18, the night we celebrated Fr. Mitchel's 49th birthday at the Damansara Palace Restaurant. We had to perform Grease Lightning at eye-level & that made it all the more nerve wrecking. We had a whole freaking line dance step in the dance k! Lol.
The food. Was. Good. Pork in every dish. Isn't that just. Sofreakingamazing? :D A whole suckling piglet for each table & there were sixteen (16) tables!! Gifford chewed on the head. That really almost had me turn my water works on.
Pictures!

What I wore.

It looked like Fr. Mitchel was really happy and proud of our dance. So were the other people, especially with the amount of practice we had : 3 hours the night before.
This is what I wore for the dance. And, in the end, the dinner too. Hahaha! I wanted to change. Really. I was ready with a dress & all. But I got lazy & the party got funner with jeans and a spaghetti top on.

Then, towards the end, for the first time in my life, I won a Lucky Draw. I know. Okay, stop thinking so hard. Yes. First time. And, it was confusing. Fr. Mitchell read : J - A - C - K. - IE.
I clapped with my table of youths to acknowledge the next winner whom without any occurrence was me. Everyone was like pointing at me screaming, "Jackie! Jackie!". I'm like, "Sure?" And Auntie Christina Kee confirms it by saying, "Jackie? Just Jackie or got surname? OH! Jackie, table 6! Youth!" I walk up and dramatically receive the gift from Father.
When I came back to sit, people were saying : "The old lady stood up! I think that's Auntie Jackie!"

I'm sorry Auntie, but really. It wasn't you. You heard Auntie Christina right? Sorry. :\
I won a pair of car seat pillows. Type R.

So it ended, the night. And two Indian men decided to let us leave only after the clock hits twelve. Two kind Indian men found Shireen's "lost" car keys. They rode back and returned it just when the clock strike 12. Sheyna, Megan, Mae, Laila, Kristie, Belle, Noel, Gifford, Shireen, Sherwin and Gary started singing the Happy Birthday songs. Sheyna honked her car as the beat to the song. Just imagine the oh-so sweet racket they were making with no shame :) I love 'em.
They stole me away from home and made me go to McD's.

Next morning. October 19.
Yes, D-Day! I woke up dreadfully. So sleepy -lah. Then headed to the saloon and got my hair done in a jiffy an off to The Curve for lunch & movie with Nick. We watched The Bourne Ultimatum & ate at Manhattan Fish Market. He gave me the bronziest sandals, ever! Lol. There was this whole puzzle-mania for me to find the present in his car. Oh well :) Sweet.
Then I had class at 4.30pm. Xin, AND teacher, surprised me. Had a tiny party after class, chomping down Cheese with Peach cake baked by Xin and some coke. Thank you!
Pictures!

At night, dinner with the family at Shalome. Fine :)
Pictures!

The next day, October the 20th.
Lazed. And, super dinner with them youth at .99 Steak & Chops! Good food, good price & even better people around you makes up an awesome meal :) After dinner was the 'After Party at thad's old apartment'. OH AM GEE. wunnerful. Played twister, drank, talked and drank alot. ;)

Then we all HAD to leave ;p for some reason. Went back to the Janz's house to sleep. HAH! Yes, sleep. ;p ;p ;p ;p Why did her toilet bowl seats have giant Koi fish swimming in circles? ;p

Noel, you met your goal. Now imma have to punch you :) teehee!
Pictures! And, maybeeeeee the videos too. Next time. When I get them.

So, I got an iPod! :D White. Her name is Missy. She's super sexy.
I got flowers too! And a pencil box, earrings, a top, 2 necklaces, sandals, love, care, fun and joy.
Wuhoo! :D

Thank you everyone who made this birthday an awesome one! Thanks for all the wishes.

Loooove :)

if tomorrow never comes.

2007-10-18T16:24:00.000+08:00

Yes, if tomorrow never comes.

It's a day where I wonder if tomorrow will ever come. Wondering, because it's such an important day, tomorrow.

My grandad's birthday, my parents' wedding anniversary and, my birthday.

It's hard to sit a day wondering if tomorrow will ever come. It's hard to rest your head in a pillow to sleep. It's hard to decide what to wear and what to do. It's hard to swallow lunch thinking if this is the last lunch you'll ever have. It's all hard. Everything becomes a tad bit harder than usual.

I started my day with a warm shower at 11.30 a.m this morning. While I scrub my hair, I let one hand go off my head and onto my forehead. I start making the sign of the cross. I pray out loud :

I thank the Lord for having blessed me with yet another beautiful day to witness all His beautiful creations. Next, I ask for forgiveness. I apologize for not speaking to Him for days now. Then, I pray for Sheyna that she may be fully recovered, Laila that she may sit through her papers well and family that we may remain together as one in love and in God's name.

I finish this short prayer with request of guidance and blessings and seal it with the sign of the cross once more.

I continue scrubbing. When I got out of the shower, the daily routine took it's place.
Rude enough, it did not ask me for ~~whatsoever permission~~. In fact, I didn't mind.
I love my routines.

So last night, I was at church having dance practice for Fr. Mitchell's birthday dinner tonight. Grease Lightning.

When I got home, I dreaded for sleep. I thought. I couldn't sleep! I tossed & turned, as cliche as it sounds, I did. Thinking of what to wear and do and say and and and and and and.

Cupcake Brown, the author of A Piece Of Cake, was kind enough to keep my mind off those.

This book, is one book I truly love.

Anyway, I got my clothes sorted out for tonight and tomorrow, I've painted my nails, washed my hair&blew it dry. I know. Well, what can I say? Girls are pretty amazing huh?
We're all like, Superwomen or something.

So, if tomorrow never comes :

Grandpa,
Happy Birthday. I pray that you are happy & safe up in heaven. I love you dearly.
No matter I've never met you, you brought up a son, who is and will be, abundantly blessed.
He is now my father, an amazing man. A man no scientist can replicate. A man I cannot love any lesser. He has married Mummy, a woman- no words can describe her, for many, many years now. They both are taking care of Bernard and I well. You know that. Love you.

Mum & Dad,
Happy Anniversary! I wonder : "How is it like being married to one person for twenty over years, go through (really, really, really) thick & thin, and still be a happy couple?"
Husband & wife, and happy, till today. Amazing. The mixture of both your beings, has enhanced and still is enhancing, Bernard and I. I love you both so much. To thank you two for everything so far, I would need a robotic hand and everlasting paper to finish the list. This is not the end, I will still be thanking you for more to come. Hope you guys have an awesome anniversary.
It's time to celebrate your anniversary drastically to remember and maintain that love you first had for each other at the wedding. It's time to go big!
Love you both so much. I owe it all to you both.

Jacq (me),
It's not everyday you get to turn seventeen. It's not everyday you get to smile wide and show all your treated teeth and have absolutely no sadness in you, be it inside or on the out.
So SMILE cause you're turning SEVENTEEN! :D
I love you so much. Have an awesome 17th birthday.

If tomorrow never comes, I've said what I want, for tomorrow, today.

It's 5 p.m, I should prolly go read more on Cupcake.
Poor girl, got raped, eleven years old.. what's next?

Pictures of Grease Lightning & birthday & dinner sooooooooooon. Stay tuned :)

xoxox

2007-10-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head?

My Result: Heart-Strong Idealist

You're an impassioned individual who just can't suppress your ideals. You've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people know when they've crossed the line. Sure, there are times when you sit back to hear both sides of an argument. But people had better stay out of the way when your fiery passions take hold.

But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn't mean you're incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It's because you're so invested in your ideas and interests that you can work so tirelessly toward your goals and speak up for what you believe in. So keep pouring your heart into it. With conviction like yours, you're sure to succeed!

Take this test >

i am so bored, i'm taking quizzes.
i know, i'm supposed to have my head built in some un-interesting
year 11 history book
learning about malaysia and islam.

well. no thanks.

What's Your Sense of Humor?

My Result: Banter

Like a king of pinball, you've made an art of playing off of people because your sense of humor is all about banter. Like many great comedians before you, a roundtable of friends, or a roomful of targets, is the catalyst for what makes you laugh. It brings out the wit — and sometimes the nitwit — in everyone.

It's quantity, not quality that matters as you and your friends alternate outbursts like the riffs of a hit single. Here's the bottom line: You're a social creature. Other people's inside jokes even strike you as funny. You manage to gravitate toward people who can appreciate a tall tale and you've probably never hesitated to fire off a zinger — even in a roomful of strangers. So keep it up with your bantering methods. Laughter, after all, keeps the world going 'round.

Take this test >

damsel in distress.

2007-10-12T11:12:00.000+08:00

Being a total darling, Yeow rushed to pick me up all of a sudden in the middle of the afternoon.
We started driving earlier today. And heck, I rocked the damn BU3 comm. hall!
I got an A this time. :)
I accelerated, turned, changed gears, U-turned, all this while he kinda slept. LOL!
It's a good thing when your passenger feels that comfortable with your driving.
kembanggg x)

Then he brought me window shopping for my birthday dress. Which in the event, is in a week! :D
I just remembered when Shireen told me last night at church. LOL.
Yes, I really haven't been thinking about my brithday ;\

So I had Kimi Gallery's yummiest assam dory fish with rice for dinner yesterday 8)
And then headed to church for caroling practice. HAHAHAA. Funniest practice, EVER.

Leon, the boy who can sing bass right up till 2nd soprano (i know, wow.) , and is only like what? Form four? Taught us breathing techniques & pronunciations.
We had to hold our noses to sing, sing vowels only, and breathe with a beer belly lol.

This means you should start planning parties and whatnot, and book us early cause we're gonna rock - around your Christmas tree!! :D

Today, I'm not going out. And it's supposed to be da gei day today with my mates!! Sorry guys.

Oh well, short summary post. (:

Sayonara !

Ohhhh. Vait vait vait! Vait right there!
One other thing to be proud of Malaysia besides the good food is that we have one real good looking hunk up in space nowww. whoopteedoo!
Pretty proud-lah.
I've got pictures of the blast-off, Mum made me take them. Yes, off the idiot box's screen.
Next time. My pork ball lo shi fun waiting for me. <3

Oh my gahh. Yes, he is hot, Dr. Syeikh (;

Still not proud of PM though. -.-

indo mee. you wanna. don't you?

2007-10-09T22:50:00.000+08:00

right. it is the ninth again :)

happy ninth.

i couldn't. and i still can't. get enough of you.

ily,b.

thanks for spending 9 hrs with me today!
yeah, i bet you didn't realise. 9 hours on the ninth.

Yours Truly. <3

i want to eat a mushroom. don't you?

2007-10-09T22:06:00.000+08:00

Jessie! Here you goooo (: I'm updating! Lol. It's October and it's time for a new entry!

when it got too cold (:

I left my extremely humble abode at 9 a.m this morning with my lovely.
Had brunch at Yong Len, in front of the he-bitch's house's lane. The siew mai kinda sucked.
Then off we headed to my second favourite place to relaxxx.
Oh, studying History with those RM 2.50 ear plugs. Heavenly.
At least a tad of History got into my tiny head. History & ear plugs are key. woot.

i think you think i look sexy.
HAHA.

So, we were there till like, 4 p.m. I know right. daaayyyuummnnn.
Went for makan & da gei-ed after that. Yes, by ourselves. Stop thinking of one-on-one Counter Strike. It was the "bored ultimatum".
We hopped from CS to NFS to Little Britain to Fifa to god-knows-vat.

b. watching gay porn :P

oh. man. do i look bloody weird.

Left. Forrrr....... :D:D

DRIVING. wuhoo!
Started off near school, and hated it. No place to explore.
Left. To... the driving range. As in, the golf. driving range. HAHAA! naah.. didn't wanna.
Sulked like a baby.

Then my sexy kih-ing-kontek china driving instructor brought me to bu3 comm. hall.
*heaven's light shines down from a small portion of the sky while angles sing*
I drove like the what ah? The apa tu.. itu F1 dliver ohhh. so keng.
I do the loung a bout many many time ohh.
But oh, first time oh, the Niggerat fairy scared me loh. He think I turning want to die liao.
Then oh i turning turning so keng. He also so happy adee loh.
I dlive until go the 40 gay am per one hour leh. so keng hor? I so essited leh.
I dlive many time loh then want to dark adee so my instlukter sending me home loh.
He tell me oh. He tell me mus kih-ing-kontek wif him oh later he forget me adee then die liao.
So i say the many tank q then I go home.

CURRENTLY. Intersecting with fate.
You, druggie wuggie ain't gonna ruin my future. You can get chopped by them for all I care.

Such love i have.
Tough lover, they say.

You hypocrite.

oh! just wanna say.
you're not the only girl. rather, person. with the surname ong.
if you ever feel you find my jokes funny once more. LOL. or find it in your mind to actually be a friend again, i'll prolly tell you who this miss ong is. but it ain't you kay? (: just so you know.
i've spent so much time with you & a bond was definitely there. but everything fell over. this feeling/thought is definitely obviously one-sided. you've got your friends. your type of girls. despite you being a plusplusplusplus because you're a catholic girl, it's cool.
i've met better anyway. i have better.
you take care, really. you need to.

damn, i sound gay.

School tmrw.

B's prolly waiting for me under the pink flowered tree. Gotta run!

taa!

septic september.

2007-09-30T15:32:00.000+08:00

yes, very septic.

: a friend being semi-paralyze for awhile after being slashed by a devil.
: not SO septic because it was peaceful; a dear classmate's mom's going.
: lousy ass history trial paper filled with questions about Nabi & the Muslim religion. yes, i didn't know how to do it.
: a fake,a liar&a lie by itself, i met.
: a Muslim girl i met, who has no damn integrity, dignity nor self respect.
no, i'm not a racist. i just hate human beings with no humanity.

Marcus Lim, those Indian guys who mugged you and then later slashed you will have a short life.
We've got your back. Many love you.

Hsien Loong, your mom loves you very much and she is very happy now that she's not suffering anymore pain cause by her liver cancer.
Mdm Ng Lee Tiang is a highly respected woman, mother and wife. May she rest in peace.
Loong, we love you more than ever. You will never stop being our own joker.

Malaysian gov., please always remember even though Malaysia is a Muslim country, not every citizen here is a Muslim. A give&take on the SPM History paper would be appreciated.

YOU. I shall save your face. I shall not state how much of a curse, i feel, you are to be in my life.
and YOU too, woman. -

now pick up your feet and walk your way out our lives.

we are ready. are you?
i do not need your apology, i'm glad it happened.
now, leave.

you're an intelligent plastic.
go somewhere appropriate.
somewhere you can be an intelligent plastic all your life.
too bad it's not here.

you've had your times but you never took a step forward.
you expected. til today, you have that ego.
it's my turn now so leave me alone and live your adult life.

you will have a short life.

to be back stable on a religious base,
makes me feel wonderful.

million thanks to :
Uncle William, the favorite cousin to my dad i just met whom i love so much.
Auntie S, Uncle Will's wife, my ever loving aunt.
Crystal & bro, uncle&auntie's children, my cousins with hearts of gold.
Uncle Vellu, the THUG. my bodyguard. my lifesaver.
Megan & Laila, the two bestestbestfriends whom i adore & ever had who still are on standby.
Jamie Loke, a classmate i knew i could connect to the moment we met. i love you.
Nicholas Yeow, the shoulder&the listener. much much love.
Mum & Dad, i'm your skin, flesh & blood. what more can i say? i love you both.

Thank you all so much for the everlasting care, support and love you are providing.
Thank you all for the prayers. Please continue them.

i have the faith. try me. just try me.
nobody is going to crash my dreams, ruin my life&make me fail my exams.

Mum, Tony Ben. says to listen to his words when you are feeling tensed :)
Dad, the new office represents a new beginning and it is a place of togetherness.
Remember? This will work out if we all work together.
Never ask for my forgiveness. You are always forgiven, without a doubt.

Everyday is a new day. Thank your God you are able to witness every new day.
Live it like you've never lived before.

:)
somuchlove.

paper heart.

2007-09-24T17:21:00.000+08:00

hellow:D it's been SO long, i know. what to do. busy nerding.
or at least i think i was. ehehee.

hmm tmrw's the commerce paper. and today's mummy's birthday !! <3 mr. toni bennet made me pass her his latest album. how sweet :)
so, i had lots to say. but. now. err... oh i cut my hair! shorrrt. look :

i kinda miss my old hair :( but, it was too heavy.

ooh, sexy. i know right. mmmh;)

hmm. besides that. lol. omg. helllppp!

okok. cable got cut on saturday morning. sob.

went for art class for 4 hrs then met up with laila, pan & u. mus <3 reunion.
buke puase with them at ikea. fugging good food.

i like my 'continuous writing' essay today :)

you know. it's really funny how my hair can be made a dialogue topic.
well, not really funny to me.
is it a problem with you that my hair is suddenly nicer than usual?
yes. nicer than usual.
hey, i've got some darn nice hair on my damn head okay.

for all your life knowing me, the friendliest gesture you give me is a smile. sometimes, nothing.
and, oh. big hit when jacq's hair isn't the same.
you're insane.
so, i'm glad i didn't even think of answering you today. find some manners, woman.

oh and miss ong. i ain't dumb, deaf or even blind. sorry! mwah!

ah! yes, less than a month to go! :
Converse shoes. grey i think.
iPod, dammit. pynk! or greeeen. or black. or silver hehee.
huge handbag. brown/bronze. & white.
dress top thinggy. whiiiiite.
hot black heels. or pumps.
new bed sheets. rrred!
tiny hair clips.
money.

first time in my life, i actually really really really want things.
gotta be important! ;)

hint hint *

as you can see, clearly stated. there is a top & a bottom of the list. (:

next time,
i should write down
whtever i wanna blog about.
teee! x)
really forgot -lah.

toods.<3

switch//

2007-09-18T19:06:00.000+08:00

wuhoo !

trials are tomorrow.

starting with super awesome accounts! wheeee! so cool!

fatty crab fried wings. woot.

murni's.
no, i do not puasa..
uh. maybe cause i'm not muslim?

gulla gulla island.

study. play ball !!

oh oh ohhh baby i will

fallinlovewithyou la la laa laaa laaaa laaaa !!!

hhhhold yourself, sister!

adddd maffff paper toooo was supercalifragilisticaspialidocious !!

skip skip, skip to my lou . . . .

when the chicken told me he felt overweight,

i slaughtered.
and ate.
him.
bwahahaha. hmmm.

jacqueline.

so, today. i was on my home from school at the second lights.
a bus was beside the van i was in. suddenly, a man ran
towards the bus to get a ride. he knocked.
the woman driver showed him a hand gesture which meant
"back door". so he went as told. well, showed. and it wasn't open.
he waited & waited. talking to himself in his own language,
probably tamil. and the stupid bus driver lady woman person
had a heart as hard as a hard rock. she didn't open any
damn door for the fella. then he walked off,
seriously with the saddest look on his face.
i imagined the frustration & sadness he felt. i mean,
come on! i need to go somewhere quite far too walk,
you're at the lights for so long, just open the damn door
and earn some bucks and i'll be safe.
he walked away.... :(
then when the lights turned green, the bus. and my van accelerated.
and the guy saw the bus again and waved his hand out.
probably desperate for a ride. but
the stupid woman bus driver lady person just drove on with no heart.
i almost cried looking at the guy. thinking of what may happen
during his journey to his wanted destination.
ALL HE WANTED TO PLAY ON THE SAFE SIDE :
HOP ON A BUS AND GO WHEREVER. THAT'S IT.
[ RAPID KL ]
i got the bus plate number :

WPL 4898

OR,

WLP 4898

fire that damn woman lady driver person please. :)

toods!

don't get me twisted.

2007-09-15T18:53:00.000+08:00

it's funny how one can motivate but not be motivated.

So. I had Bible Knowledge Trials today. :O
It was okay. Should've just put in slight more effort.

Then had an awesome lunch with Unc. Rob&A. Jean. Thaaaank you!

My school trials are starting this coming week, on Wednesday. :\

nerding yaw 8)

short post today. nothing much. yet.
taa! <3

you're a bitch, sometimes.

2007-09-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

so today was a long day. i had to sit in class and accidentally forget about doing my art.
i had to do stupid language diagnostic papers for maths & science with 7 other classmates.
well, they were the only people who were dumb enough to come to school with me:) love yall.

so. these dumb papers are set to test our knowledge of english. we're the first batch sitting for maths&science papers in english. oh, how much they worry we might get straight A's.

so. questions are all in sentences. and like stuff. whatever.
their english blew me off my darn two feet. they suck.
like wth is prossess?
and, ohmygoodness. i can't even type those stupid powderful engrand sentences.

so we sat for 6 bloo'ay papers. yeah yeah, whoopteedoo yourself. it wasn't fun.

anyhoo. as i said. i accidentally forgot about my art :( i do not know wtf to do now.
oh well. it's just one page. pn hairul will understand.
right? :\

damn, i've been starting my sentences with 'so'.

so. marz and i were walking along the first floor. stopped by at Dee's. and. guess who decides to walk pass ~~without any ovaries.~~
mrs S. wuhoo!
we freaked out. we jumped into Dee's and sat. with freaking aklima there. staringgg 0.0

until ovary-less woman passed, we stood and decided to leave.
aklima just had them eyes of a devil.
how much more less sporting can she get ffs!?
oh well, that sentence was uber confusing. but, you get me.

so. marz apologized & walked towards the door.
whereas me, the smartdumbass. laughingmyassoff just said haha sorry 'cher.
and kept on my giggles and left.

later, ovary-less woman kept passing our class. and thank goodness we weren't facing the door.
oh well even if we were, she didn't have the ovaries to come to us lah. pfft.
so darn low profile now knowing she has no ovaries.
aklima, loosen up. you look ugly. i know you're not. but you really looked it.
gag.
okay. then, we went to the toilet, marz&i.
and saw a lil birdie. a lil bald birdie. a lil bald birdie which couldn't fly. it. was. crippled.
:( sad, i know.
oh and we found out it couldn't fly cause we kinda chased it and all it did was run like a penguin move its head like an egyptian pharaoh and squealed.
poor thing. :(

so we finished peeing
then we saw it again towards the concourse! ohmygahh.

you know those times where you just feel like a kid?

well, i get that. all. the time. :)

so i ran towards it wanting to like pick it up or something. like i dared.
but still, i was running. and, not giving up.
and well, marz, being a good friend. surrendered herself to much embarrassment with me :)

omg. in the middle of school. in the middle of the day. two girls. chasing after a. bird.
sounds like a five minute stupid nonsensical so-called comedy.
which is, not very funny to anyone but themselves, actors.

anyway, we chased and stopped to laugh.
and then
jacq dan marzia buat ape!?!?!

shouts norehan from the peralihan class.
o m g.

i, once again, couldn't contain myself. i just kept on laughing maf.
and marz, in an instant was like
oh haha baru balik dari toilet.

and, we raaaaaaaaaaaaan as fast as we could to the stairway up which was at the other end of the block.
btw, the peralihan class is just beside a staircase up. and it also ends up right in front of our class. oh well. shoobeeduwap & scooby snacks.

another school day (:

then, came home and watched Rumor Has It. nice !

then, went to the library for stupid 45 minutes.
now they close early. well, for the fasting month for muslims.

then went all the way to taman sea's fatty crab to buy 3 sinful fried wings :D
omfg<3 i love those stupid things.

oh. right. love you too, b :) hehee.
you know i do lah. thanks for cheering me up with them wings yah!

birds&fish hate me :D hahaa.
B, you better tame your upcoming bird&my upcoming fish to adore me. bwahah.
nigga!

so now i'm home. waiting for food.
looking for a new layout for my blog and myspace from
www.whateverlife.com

NO you can't click on that. HAHA!

ciao bella. &beau.

money, honey.

don't just stand there and let me watch you.

2007-09-11T16:02:00.000+08:00

marziamazlan is, i'm very sure, reading this. right? yes you are.
she finally has internet at home!
so you're reading this aren't you, babe? yes you are.
weee!
put my pictures everywhere kay? ~~since he has hers all over the damn internet.~~

i had my science papers today.
the first paper was too difficult to flunk BUT the freegyn second paper was hell.
BRONZE is made up of frrreakin copper&tin not iron&carbon. oh well. bloody gg.

i've been eating heaps of wedges recently :D it's so yummy! well, yummier with melted cheese.

omg. i've been really empty on what to blog these days.
stupid school & exams are coming on to me.

sorry :\
commerce papers tmrw.

OH!

2007-09-05T19:16:00.000+08:00

the..pictures..me..FEMALE..mmm..will only be out in the november issue.
for real. : ) the pictures are out already!! yipeeee!

uncle guna just came by, that's how i know:)

ps. sorry for the wrong early false alarm notice. lol

on a jet plane.

2007-09-05T18:51:00.000+08:00

i drove again today! longer distance and higher speed :D
aaaand i changed to gear two with cool. how cool is that?

and, while i was driving like a dork:) a police car drove pass me very slowly and
checked..

OMFGIWASFREAKINGOUTSOBLOODYSCAREDTHINKINGOFGETTINGSUMMONED&ALL.

so anyway i was wearing my seatbelt. hahahaa. and there was a P sticker on the car.
and i had the dorkiest look on my face.
oh well, convincing enough. x)

then later, the police car came back. (!!!)
i was back in the passenger's seat while mr. instructor yeow was explaining some driving thinggy to me. i quickly grabbed the damn belt down and over me.
they passed, and grinned and nodded lol! and i was like >.< ~~omgomgomg.~~

bet they thought we were like making out or something.
right? otherwise why would they come back? pfft. bleh. ;\

so..only like, what, 2 guys and 6 girls from my class came to school today.
skipping tmrw:D
had to meet cik.. puan hairul for my SPM Art Project Question Paper. &some tips;; hehee
went all over school with charlson and marz all morning. well, mostly with charls..
walking all over. with reason!! we had sooo many tasks to do&people to meet.
but we felt so..jobless. lol
anyway..then chilled at teratai with marz to hang with ze and nick.
we actually learned some add math. haha! and it was bout log. and i could do it. w o w .
then..for break and mm which really didn't work out cause there was like nobody for chinese so we like, stayed in class. and..studied. 8)
chatted loads with puan leow and lee with the rest of the class..
really nice to do this once in a while. bonding session, ya'll ! hahaa.

anywho. i'm supposed to get started in my art! and do some math.
driving off x) ehehee.

dude, how's your car?

2007-09-04T19:07:00.000+08:00

i drove today! for like the first time in my life! everrr! :D
i know, to those who know i have drive-a-phobia (lol) I DID IT TODAY!
and, i sucked :D:D but i drove!

i was all like in the driver's seat and all. like lifting the hand break up, changing gears, stepping on the clutch, accelerator and break. ME. DRIVE. CAR.
how impossible.
hahahahahaha.

incident one :
car dies. scream.

incident two :
scream. scream. accelerate. break. scream. car dies. pant.

incident three :
car dies in a not normal way. to me. lol. jerk like 8.5 times. scream. scream. flicked on both wipers by accident. scream scream.

incident four :
laugh. scream. laugh.

nick freaked out when i didn't step on the break. HAHA. yes you did.
and he says i totally suck in changing gears. -.-

oh well i drove:D

thanks for letting me almost wreck your car -
how's it? still intact? is that little light supposed to be there?
or did i just let the car die too many times?

sorry:\

i drove!

i drooooove.

omg i d r o ve .

d - r - o - v - e, i did today (:

anyway.. i had gg today. and yesterday. both language papers.
were aight.
hmmm. moral this friday.
art project deadline - this friday.
when others had like what 3 months to do it. i have 2 days.
oh skip to the damn lou. x(

gotta run! food:D

short note.

2007-09-03T18:11:00.000+08:00

i really really really really wanted to post a long one about something i've been planning to write about for the past three days
BUT.
i've got hair to wash:) teehee.
and, food to eat. then class to attend.

and i'm really so lazy to type.

a quick conclusion lah :
fought with alex. on his birthday. yeah, girls. ask me how it went. and don't think i'm the bitch just cause its his damn birthday. too bad it was his birthday. i had to settle it.
oh well. i really hv no time this year to reminisce bout it. sorry.
i mean, come on! it's been years. ages. centuries! get over it lah. plus he's like miles away.
COME ON!!! i got over him a long time ago, you girls know that.
oh my G. you should've seen wht he said to me. how he was blaming me tht i always.....

*&^%$#!@#^$

wait. JACQ! remember? short post. lol.
and, this is NOT the thing i was planning to write about.
aaaaand, this is so not gonna spoil my night.
wee:D

dismissal.

2007-09-01T14:23:00.000+08:00

my blood test results just came out :

borderline. :\
that means.. if i don't stay healthy enough, i just might get a heart failure anytime.
or freeze - to death.
now i freeze up even in an un a/c-ed room. my teeth chatter&i shiver and my toes and fingers are of a corpse.
or faint and not wake up for days until they pump bags of blood into my body.

this time my age&activeness wouldn't help.
yeah, creepy.

suddenly, i'm best friends with mr. multivitamin:) you better lift me up when i'm down, mister!

iamnotalifelongpatient.
quittreatingmelikeone.

the creeping crud.

2007-08-30T18:52:00.000+08:00

you know. i was standing out on my porch looking at the sky.
HAHA!
yes, in fact i was. i do that alot, mind you! hehee.
back to my point : i was thinking about how my doctor told me earlier that i'm anemic/anaemic.

it's pretty sad -- like, i'm diseased or something.

so i searched on Wikipedia to know more.

what i've been feeling was apparently slight malaise. general malaise. and fatigue. and dyspnea which is shortness of breath.

this could have cause me heart failure :(
but i'm a strong woman. pfft.
no, actually just cause i'm young&active.

anemia is caused by deficiency of red blood cells and/or hemoglobin.
and, this could also be caused by my flu. because thru flu, you feel slight malaise and thru that comes anemia!

well, too bad for me it's not the latter.

-

some rants :

i've been losing weight. i know, like me? lose weight?
what will be left right.
oh, shut up. i ain't that skinny. you're just jealous.
anyway.. now. i am skinny. like, i don't fit my perfect-fit-jeans now!
only my girls would understand. because my jeans are like the most perfect fit among my other 'size S too big' clothings. well, besides my embarrassing size zero Urban baby green evening dress.
i feel blown off my feet. like, literally.
*swooosh*

---

i'm having pizza tonight! :D with, you know, that 18 piece sausage as crust? oh hell yeah.
and for lunch earlier, i had breakfast. LOL. i mean, like, american breakfast you know? and a muffin. then, i came home and drank milk. like, that little carton i drink in school everyday!
a lot, i'd say (:

iwannabefat.ter.

oh, right!
happy merdeka day,
malaysia!
hope i'll love you more.

yappie bird day, dudette.

2007-08-30T15:14:00.000+08:00

i missed your birthday, honey. sorry !
here's a belated post kay?

well, about a year and 18 days ago, i started blogging here :)
i know, AWWWW.

my dear bloggie is a year old.
i know, i know : double AWWW.

yappie bird day to thee, yappie bird day to thee, yappie bird day to bwoggie...
YAPPIE BIRD DAY TO THEE !!

yappie bird day, bwoggie (: wuv ya.

thanks for being always there for me.
(except those times when this idiot thing crashed and when this idiot thing had no more credit)
not your fault.

conducting domestic inquiry.

2007-08-30T14:48:00.000+08:00

guess whaaatt?

no, no, not chicken butt this time. :\

i went to the doctors' aaaand. i expected..

wwwait. you see, since like forever i have had like..low blood pressure. well, without any medical check. so recently, the symptoms were severe. like i'd black out every single time i get up from bed or a long sit. my knees go weak. my whooooole body goes numb. and my ears start to sound like.. when you're pumping air into your car tire, but the hose is like not in the tire yet.
that hissing sound?
yes. yes. you got it.
oh and don't you dare ask about how it's like when i'm having my period. dammit.
lethargic.

e v e r y single d a a a a y.
quite saddening lah.

so like i was saying..
i went to the doctors' aaaand. i expected low blood pressure. but apparently, according to the pumping thinggy, my pressure is waaaaay below average.
this explains it all. grrh >.<
so, to like, play safe i decided on a blood test. there&then. i couldn't take it lah. felt so helpless kay.
i thought it was gonna be like always : 1,2,3 bam. finish. cotton. plaster. thanks doc. big smile. walk off.
this time. AMMA! (the way i say it : emphasize on MM. thankyouverymuch.)
she poked once. and i thought YAY :D but noooo. she poked again. and again. and again.
literally five* times.
*hundred
NO BLOOD. how bloody stubborn can my bloody blood get, dammit.

but it didn't hurt lah. thank the lord. then she took a bigger, pain-er needle. and i started wrinkling my forehead and eyebrows and everything else that can wrinkle.

poke. OOUUUUCCCHHHHH !
slightly lah hehee. exaggerate lebih. :)
blood came out. s o b l o o o o o d y s l o o o o o w.

the horror.

well. konklusinya adalah, there are many reasons to it. genes, weight, metabolism shyte, flu, asthma wtv crapzoidness. (steal your word, megan!)

let's just wait for the amazing results.. pantat

toodles hunnay.

oh em double gee.
the font-ing-ness
of this post is so
wetwartwed.
blobblobblob.

flu&flow.

2007-08-29T17:17:00.000+08:00

ugggh. these days have been drag. i fell suddenly sick on when? sunday i think. caught the flu.
AND realised my period decided to trash the damn happening party the flu was having in my body.
i couldn't wait to see how it feels : flu & flow.
sneeze, flow, sneeze, flow, cramps, sneeze, flow, cramps, sneeze, flow..
you get my point. OUCH.
next moment, i couldn't wait till my period was over and get over with my flu. i couldn't bare the pain. and stupid school was gonna start on monday. like, talk about coincidence. a bad one.
so on sunday, i went for art as usual..then to dinner at ikea then back home.
no, the swedish meatballs didn't do nuts to heal me :(
i went to school on monday with the pms-iest look on my face&damn rudolph nose.
yes, people thought i was like undergoing depression or something. with the pinned up hair and the flying fringe. i had cold sweat. and, i slept for THREE periods straight. grrh.
tuesday was like, "heck no way no no no i am so not going to school".
yeah, i didn't go (: weee!
sick sick sickkk still. and, wow. of all months, this month my period decided to stay in extra days. as i said, coincidence !!! omfg.

you know me. i can never sit down and do nothing, i hate it. in other words, i hate falling sick!
so, i went to school today.
WASTED MY FREEGYN TIME. some stupid accounting talk. which apparently had no more place for ME so i couldn't stay. what the heck. i left the room. then came back. played cards at the back of the room with form4 guys lol :P
i sound bad. oh well!
had cold sweat again. was damn hyper cause i felt too way damn sick.
OH OH marz bought me one of those colorful pencil cases! from from from kelantan! :D:D L.O.V.E I.T thanks babe!
yes people, the one i kept showing off today. carrying it everywhere i go. that's the one. pretty ain't it? ;) ahhh. envy me.

anywhoots. now, i'm still flowing¬ sneezing but like, sniffling. not going to school tmrw.
freegyn 4 day weekend! :D whoopteedoodledoo!

oh well. this is my flu&flow story. hehee.
never felt like this before ok!? grrh.

shoutouts.

2007-08-25T18:48:00.000+08:00

to Lai Lala :

baaaaaaaabe. OK. I'm just gonna go all simple with this template cause the flowery pinky thing disappeared and became standard black and white. :( boohoo. anywho. i need your help! where do i write my links? and to change picture, howtheheck? and and anddd i want a chatterbox on my bloggie again. puhweeeeeeeaseee 8)
i know you know i know you're so great at these stuff and you have no problems wasting time for me. i know. i know. i love you too (: oh. right. thanks!

to Meganiam Letchumy :

hey cupcake :) read my blog. LOL. anyway..i need to talk to you. about a lot of jumble bumble dumble shyte. grrh.
but, when? hmm. love you boo.

BTW, to the both of you. my dad wasn't angry tht night before *cough*futsal*cough*
HAHA. trust me.
like, omg, like i wonder like, how you guys would like, react if he was like, actually like, mad.

:D
i like siew mai.
with lotsa lotsa lotsa thai cili sos.
drools*

ooh oohh. i watched bringiton that night. and. i think we should start speaking in I.M =P
like, I.M.Y.S.M and I.L.Y

HAHA. bimbotic(:
we're like totally B.F.F! wuhoo!

you must be thinking : W.T.F
well, M.Y.O.B !

lol.

i need sugar.

YOUR suicide note, asshole.

2007-08-24T21:57:00.002+08:00

raise your fucking voice at me
lay your damn finger on me
once more, just once more

..you better start counting your blessings in that split second

before i fucking kill you, bastard.

ps. who the fuck do you think i am to you?
FYI, you are nobody to me. i don't give a rat's shit about you, dumb fuck.

He.

2007-08-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

He, he
He is the one that once
That once enlightened me
Enlightened me and now enhance

He is the one whom
Whom made me realise
What love like a mother to her womb
To her womb she opens her heart's eyes

He is the one I
I know I did
I did notice in him, a pure guy
A pure guy, so, I never hid

He is the one that I
That I now know
My opened eye
Accepts the flow

He introduced me to
To a whole new world
A world where only lovers came to know
Came to know and say the word

He taught me
Taught me how to love
I learn, slow, yet he
He never gives up on love

He makes me want
Want to hold his hand
His hand forever even if I rant
If I rant he's my quicksand

He has a smile
A smile so charming
So charming I see from a mile
My heart skips to a beat-I hear him drumming

He makes my world go round.
He makes me smile.
He turns me on.
He drives me crazy.

i think i'm in ~~love~~.

Ps. I'm not emo. I just miss you like crazy.
Do you know how it's like when I can't sleep
'cause I don't hear you before I sleep?
No you don't.
I'm better than a cat, I've died more than 9 times.
Need you here, need you now. <3

xoxo,
J.

pin drop silence..

2007-08-23T17:32:00.001+08:00

really does not exist in the Taman Tun Library. wtf?!
look to your left, to your right, straight ahead, behind..
chatter chatter chatter. chatter chatter chatter.

find yourselves a better place to talk instead of a freegyn LIBRARY dammit!

oh well, Nick, Xin and I found a better place to study. A proper library.
All the way in .. SSSHHHH!!
soooo quiet and conducive. aaaaahhhh :)
not gonna mention where. otherwise I might accidentally turn that place into some human zoo.

weee! can't wait to go there tmrw. and avoid all these lousy asses here who has nothing better to do but talk in a fugging library.

shoowapdoobeedoo.

i can't wait to play futsal tonight! at zaaba!!! :D :D it's been too long.
prolly another long lost lover.
art. now, futsal. haha! mmm.
<3
oh well, short post. gotta go read up some bible for tonight's class.

so long,
farewell,
it's time to say goodbyeeee :P

WATCH 'THE SOUND OF MUSIC'.
freaking awesome.

buku muke doh.

2007-08-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

hi-dee-ho good neighbour (:
i'm feelin' hiddley diddley funky!

i got a face book i got a facebook :D it's heaps of fun.
whoopteedoodledoo diddley diddley.

finally i met you.

2007-08-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

a sudden crave, i'd have to say; chicken* salad. *ceaser preferably.
i can prolly live on that and water. wooot. makes me high.
i'm still in love with sausage buns, hell yeah.
it's not wrong to try out other guys ..food i mean, now is it?
after all, i am only turning seventeen:) no harm.
sausage buns
salad
sushi

will soon find mr. right, i'm sure.

did i already mention about my new "waaay sexier than ashwin's" phone?
motorola v3 freakin double x, yo.
i had japanese today:D mmmm. yummy yummy yummy!

ooh went to The Apartment last night with the girls frm sch. <3
we ate in the BATHROOM. with showers and all. HAH! funky.
there were like bedrooms and stuff. pretty awesome.
our African dude waiter dude was hilarious :P
i look like Aaaaaandrew the owner!
nicholas! bring me there. bwahahaaa. :D

JESSIE!!! SHOUTOUT TO YOU~
pink margarita was pretty gooooood x)

oh. right. and finally, i met my long lost lover.
i always really wanted to meet him but there were too many 'kekangan'.
now, we spend 4 hours together every sunday at 2-6 pm at the same place.
how awesoming :) he makes me happy every single week.
despite going to see him today after sobbing my eyeballs out till i felt my eye sockets telling me to "suck it up. im in pain! quit trying to squeeze out tears dammit!"..
he made me smile. and have loads of fun. and he totally took my mind off my problems.

thanks for signing me up for the awesomest art class, mom :) lololove it.

SPM is in like, 3 months!
nervous, anxious, worried, high, scared, sad, stressed, happy, overjoyed, excited,
humpty dumpty sat on the wall.
well, i try my hardest to think that it's 3 months till i'm out of school!
woot :D
then, college! gag free - studying what i really loveeee :)
not gags like, malay history and add math and and and malay and and and malay literature andddd general science and and math and moral. -.- u s e l e s s s s s s.

a feeeew of my awesome friends in class (below). they're the only reason why i look forward to school!
fact : i haaate my school. pukes.
thanks you guys(: love yall lotss..

today at mass, i was lector! first reading. *shivers down my skinny spine*
i was literally shaaakkkkkkinnngggg up there. woot. gotta do more. HAHA.
and, what in the world is Cushite. i was like, @#&^!@Q$% HELPPP!

not so random, random thought :
helping your grandparent down&up the stairs. doesn't this sight soften your heart?
so sweet (: i miss grandma and popo. grrh.

wish and hope (my only one currently) :
segi college provide hostels and weird strangers to live in there forever and ever, amen.
will make my life much easier and i'll be forever more happy.

^ will have less temptation to kill. or well, the tought is bad enough. LOL. you said it (:

hmm. . .
phrase.

" if you cant in the long run, don't even start showing me you can. "

xoxo
J.

ps. PEOPLE! BUY SEPTEMBER 2007 FEMALE MAGAZINE OKAY? ;D
mwwaah;; ~~cough.fifty most.cough.gorgeous.cough~~

huh? what?
ciao bella & beau.

when it hit me.

2007-08-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

When she decided to turn to you, she felt slightly worried of whether or not you'd actually care. She felt some embarrassment to admit how horrible she felt.
She quotes :
And then you realise there is someone there. Someone who's always been there. This special person loves you for who you are and not what you are. Thru your ups and downs, this person has always been guding you and leading and never letting you down. Even if you sometimes betray this special someone, this person will still be there for you.
Many times, people say this special someone is either your mom or dad. The truth is this person is you. If you fail, only you feel it. If you don't have money, only you will feel the hunger. Nobody else.
Think about how you've been treating yourself. The number of times you've let this person down and yet she stays strong for and with you. Help this special someone:)

Her tears roll down her cheeks singing merrily; knowing she's letting them go out of relief and joy. She begins to ponder over this and lift herself up.

Soon after that, her batteries die. whoopsie!

<3

double sided tape.

2007-07-31T16:22:00.000+08:00

i've been saying cliche alot these days. that's just so. cliche.
fishermen pants.
corny lines.
kissing with your eyes closed.

this is the place where i sit
this is the park where i love you too much
this is as hard as it gets
cause im getting tired of pretending im tough

im here if u want me
and yours you can hold me
im empty and diggin' and tumblin' and breakin'
cause you dont see me
and you dont need me
and you dont love me
the way i wish you would
the way i know you could

i dream a world where you understand
that i dream a million sleepless nights
i dream a fire while you're touching my hand
but it twists into smoke
when i turn on the lights

im speechless and faded
its too complicated
is this how the world gets
nothing but good friends?
cause you dont see me
and you dont need me
and you dont love me
the way i wish you would
the way i know you could

this is the place in my heart
this is the place where im falling apart
isnt this just where we met?
this is the last chance that il lever get

i wish i was lonely
instead of just only
crystal and see-through
and not enough to you
cause you dont see me
and you dont need me
and you dont love me
the way i wish you would
the way i know you could

You Don't See Me - ph.

lymph note.

2007-07-24T21:29:00.000+08:00

after being on the computer for like 5 hours doing a very important assignment and talking to the best person in your life and and and blogging awesome shit.

well, okok, let's say this happens everyday. for like, one year. without fail. stupidly amazing (: makes you happy all the time.

and, one day..you're concluding the assignment and your best person is gonna go to like Maui or somewhere far and the only way to contact is thru that last email and and and your blog was..aahh! something was gonna happen to it so you had to post one last post.

then, your farking computer shuts down.

oh. you realise, then, you did not save anything.

now, i'm in high school. and, no it's not saturday nor a friday. it's bloody tuesday.

and, you're drunk.

earlier, i walk in eager to please my groaning tummy. seeing you with three others. not knowing if any of them have their own family. but i know, for sure, that you have one. the eagerness slowly fades away. yet, i stared up at the menu board. first, reading all the available food. then, thinking about how screwed up you can get. well, you can't be anymore screwed up. you're like, right there already. anyway, back to my point : i sit there alone with only 5 other blue plastics known as "chairs" around me. you, directly across me. drunk. you had the heart to just leave me there. sitting. with the ugliest sight to my poor naked eyes.

i think :
bachelor.

shit. then who am i?

bloodyemo.

how much more?

2007-07-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

I'm not chosen. I should've known..Lucky Draws aren't my thing.
First 20? Possibility? :( sigh.
Now, permission un-granted.
Two thousand bleeding bucks to be won.

When you're gone, pieces of my heart are missing you.
I'm done. Leave me alone.

Promises made,
Promises broken,
You always said,
You'd forever hold them.

Like a crystal so clear,
Like the waters of the earth so clear,
I be honest and open,
In the end it is chosen.

You're not the one,
Not right now,
We are done,
Don't come again with that bow.

It's time, it's time,
For you not to be mine,
It's time, it's time.

How much more?

That charming smile,
That big big heart,
I see from a mile,
And thought :
He is the one in my heart.

Not only I,
Not only I,
They too are in love.

When you're hurt,
When you're down,
I get their blurt,
You get their soft, soft sound.

You're always the angel,
I'm never the angel,
I musn't lay a finger on you,
I must never harm you.

People come after me,
With shining knives,
I sit there to think of thee,
While I get whacked by their wives.

I hold you up,
I look out,
All I've done,
I've just done my part.

How much more?

I sit here thinking of the words to say,
Thinking of all the times on you I lay,
I cry to the tune of the songs you play,
I want to know now how to again feel gay.

This is the end I pay,
And now you want no say,
I feel I need to again see that ray,
To feel that moment of yipee-ya-yay.

I made all this up,
I mean all these I have no hidden hay,
Talk to me and don't suck it up,
Tell me that it'll all be okay.

How much more?

mad friend disease.

2007-07-19T17:31:00.000+08:00

CURRENT DISEASE GOING AROUND.

Found : 2 Victim(s)

Names : [[ disclosed ]]

Ages : both 16 turning 17

Sex : 1 male, 1 female

Studies show teens around ages 14 - 17 are easily influenced..I mean..easily affected by this disease. Parents' guidance should be carried out more efficiently.
I understand that victims found, disrespect their mothers. One of them barely has a mother so she says. She's spoken to me when I felt I had boy problems. She consoled me and adviced and shared her times. Call herself a Catholic, I am embarrased. Now, changes a story thrice in front of my face. Walks off mad at me. OOH. I AM SO SCARED. GOD, HELP.
His mother though, calls his supposedly 'best friend's' mom to sob and literally mourn for his lost soul. She sobs saying he screams and forces her to let him out. She cares, well, she used to. Now, who cares if he wants to be a pilot. He smokes like a chimney and drives illegaly around. Drinks alcohol like..something that consumes lots of liquid in a short time, when he's not suppose to. Because he's a MUSLIM. Does he care? NO.
Current location in my life : lost. they are lost.. gone.

Symptoms :

annoying

make rumours

lie; white lie

lie some more

will never admit

unfaithful

disrespectful

lose screws in head ( cannot be seen by the naked eye )

rebellious

talent to act. very well.

get too bored easily

Ways of avoiding : be and stay loyal

stick with truth, all the time

Ways of avoiding victims : just plain avoid them (:

Innocent teens, beware. Choose and pick your friends wisely. Sometimes, they come and go. It's okay.

Just don't get affected by this disease and if you ever fall into a situation as such, don't stay up til 7 a.m crying. Just talk to someone about it and sleep (:

with lots of my love ~

necessary noise.

2007-07-15T15:53:00.000+08:00

hello (:
i mean,

HELLO !!!

it has been way too long. i've been depressing over the absence of a darn computer like thing with damn internet connection.

oh, why hello there miss white&sexy DELL laptop of mine with lots of internet connection. how do you do?

ahha. (: i'm in love. seriously. i think she's the one.

heck, will you marry me?

no, not you, Amy Winehouse (freaking hot).

UPDATES!

i got a neeeeew phone. yay :D

well, that also means i've lost all my numbers. :(

i picked up a new handwriting. sexxxy.

i did lots&lots of artttt.

ass. secret. for my school's Rugby team. RAWWR. ;)

walked out of my Accounts class to file a complaint. then, show my utmost affection, since then, towards my Acounts teahcer, and her class. HAHAHA.

been a victim of a harsh harsh rumour in school ;(

lost one fudged up rich "friend".

believe more in God now. yeah, i started praying again. and twice a day now. woot.

stayed up twice til TOO late. like, 4.30 and had to get up at 6.30, and 7 and got up at ten.

got sick. ;( and emo lah. rawr. skipped school.

oh oh and i'm doing a good deed for nature too. right Lai? ;)

hmm. i think i put on weight. well, i hope i did.

been going to "mm tzz" parties AHAHAHA.

i love megan. and laila. and steph. and marz. and me. and you. and my mommy and daddy.

they wanna take me back to rehab but i say :

no, no, no.

can't remember anymore.

way too damn excited.

heeee x)

til next time.

lovies;;

gin&jacqie.

unfinished life.

2007-05-18T17:49:00.000+08:00

oh akhvbgowafhqwi! i missed you so much, bloggg!
i think about you everrrryday.
you should be flattered. (:

the last time i blogged was..what. six days
omfg SIX DAYS ago?
seemed like years. pfft.
see, i really reeeally reeeeeeeeeeeally missed you.

so, i've been nerding myself inside out. yes, i have.
been going in and out the library doors.
heck, i better get good grades!!

well, at last it's friday =D
so sick of papers. gag.
four more days to go till i'm free. well, sort of.
god, i can't wait.

mmh. my own dinner today. anyone? dinner?
ahh.
i'll prolly just get mcds even though i'm so freaking home sick and dying to just walk to places. it's ok. mcds will do fine, rawrr.

uhm. i had so much to blog about. really.
now, i'm prolly so nervous to be back.
pfft. some other time, yo.

wind it freegyn up, ya'll.

2007-05-12T20:38:00.000+08:00

While I was telling him my dreams and hopes for my future.
I decided, why not write them down?
Just in case, God forbid, something happens to me and I won't get a chance to do what I've always wanted to do..whoever who knows my blog url can come here and read this.
Like, my will or something. shit, creepy.

So,
half the world already knows I want to be a psychologist. Oh, you didn't know?
Well, now you do :) I want to be a child psychologist.
Why?
Oh, I'll tell you why.
I'm turning 17, and I've been through, I think, heaps of struggles and shit.
And, I will to save, possibly all, but I'll see what I can do, children who go through shit!
Yes, I'm very sure there will be, unfortunately, kids going through all sorts of struggles in a large amount at such young ages because otherwise, they would scratch off 'Psychologist' from the list of careers. If that ever happens, I'll go straight to what I plan to do after getting a degree in psychology, Art.

Next, I will run a home for special & needy children. All the unfortunates will, well, be un-unfortunate. Oh, this is making me so jovial. whoopteedoo.
Just imagine, a world without any unfortunate children. No beggars, no orphans, no specials.
All just equal. Plain equal. And happy.
yumm (: I will make unfortunate kids fortunate and not make them feel so awkward just because they have some sickness or a hole in their heart or or or one ear or they can't speak well or something.
Everybody's awesome. YAY. :D

I will to write a book. Yes, me. bwahahahaha. And, I'm so freaking serious.
Just go to MPH, or whatever latest bookstore in... 10-15 years time.
Go up to someone sitting behind a desk at the Customer Service Centre,
get them to look up for author Dr. Jacqueline V.
The book will prolly be under the Self-Help section. Or, Self-Motivation.
Or..
COOLEST BOOK EVER BY THE COOLEST PERSON ALIVE.
Only a million copies of my book will be in that section, of course.
yes, thanks.

I will get married and not have any sex and have kids and not have to go through any labor or pregnancies. woot 8)
Basically, no pain but happiness.
Impossible, I know.
I'd do anything to reach for my goddamn stars, so we'll see how much I change by then.
I will get married, yes I WILL. heee.
I will get married to the best and coolest husband ever, yo.

Next, I will have babies.
Yes, I do. I so do.
I want kids. I love kids.
And if you're thinking about marrying me but not having any kids,
bugger off.
bwahahahahaha!!
I want at least one. And, most - 4.
I 'll bring my kids on annual vacations too! Yes, hubby, earn some good doe.
Cause I'm your wife and I want do so goddamn many things :D
Oh, I so gotta send my children for Chinese and French classes. They'd love it.
Well, if they don't, which I doubt, then fine.
French. is. so. so. sexxxy.
French is sex, yo. And, Chinese is like the darn diggity bomb yo.
chee cheong fun my butt.

I will will will live overseas.
I will bring up my kids in the coolest country on earth.
cool countries for cool kids, no?
I want to go to the United States of America or Canada or, no not Australia.
By the time I get a family, Australia would prolly be Malaysia.
And, that's what I'm so not looking for.

Next up, I want to bungee jump from the coolest and highest place ever.
Bungee jump before and kids come along!
And, also another time with them when they're old enough!! Hell yeah!

I'm not going to ever send my parents to any Old Folks' Home. No no nooo.

I'm going to still be bestest friends with Megan & Laila, no duh. <3

After settling down my psychology-ness, I will study Art.
Then paint master pieces and sign "Dr. J" at the bottom. woooot. 8)
Decorate my home, office & the special kids' home with all my pieces!!

Okay, I can't think of anymore dreams. Too excited.
I bet, there'll be another post continuing this.
:)

I can't help it. rawrr.

Rm 3.50 chicken with porridge.

2007-05-11T21:45:00.000+08:00

so, that's supposed to be mainly chicken with a side of porridge.
but instead, i got a huge bowl of porridge.
and in it, slices of chicken. like, 5 thin slices.
lol. AC in SJ.
twas yummy anywayyy.
hello my name is hahahahahahahaha.
bee i dunno what to say.
you're never ever gonna put that in your blog.
bee! i dont believe hahahaha you hahahha gonna hahaha....
tsk. bee.
you seriously gonna blog that down is it?
if you are i want you to know that i love you.
and i know you wont put that down.
hahahahaha bee.
bee you really write that down is it? bee.
oh you know the rose is maroon color now with your hair pin on it.
i know it's gonna die but it looks so nice hahahaha.
i'm not gonna talk so you're gonna have to blog yourself.
hehehehehehhe.
hahahaahaha you dunno what i said !!
now everybody will know you're talking to me.
then everybody will think i'm some kind of hehehehehe hmm.
hehehe duwan hehehehe.
but then you see, if you write what i say, then nobody will know what you said to make me say what i said.
therefore, we conclude this intro this intro this intro umm we are concluding this intro we are concluding this introduction with best regards from me, jacq.

despite not using the stairs up...

2007-05-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

walked out to the porch, knelt and reached for the poor lil fish in the pond.

it has a tumor. it swims upside down.
i'm worried and upset.

touched and turned the gold lil animal over slowly. with full gentleness.
after awhile, it was let go and we watched it swim away. upside down.

the look he had on,
you could have thought a family member was dying & lying in the hospital bed.
or prolly saw a ghost threatening to kill in 2 seconds.
no, it was his fish. such compassion.

such respect, we realize we come to have.
a pure & genuine heart keeps him alive,
pumping blood to every part of his body;

he, therefore, proved he is entirely genuine, pure and full of compassion.

most of the time,

i don't need proof.
but when i get it,
:) it matters so much.

spontaneous token of love.

2007-05-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

With beautiful big brown eyes, a perfectly shaped face, neither is she too tall nor too short, with a voice of an angel, Puan Mariani is our beloved class teacher. We were not only glad, but ecstatic to see her sitting in the front of the classroom, behind the neatly decorated teachers' table on the first day of school this year.
Puan Mariani is our Commerce teacher too. Her teaching skills cannot be any better. Her wisdom often blows us off our feet. Her humbleness, never absent. Puan Mariani is always there for any of us in times of need. She cares and she loves us.
About a month ago, she was blessed with a beautiful baby boy from God. Though we felt we were in despair needing her guidance as we go through days at school, we always remember Puan Mariani was in the hospital slowly but surely, making God's creation a healthy reality.
Now, she's back in action. We are so happy for her new born and, for ourselves.
Our beloved class teacher is back and there's nothing to worry about.
Everything is under control. We love you, Puan Mariani.

this time, it's not even funny.

2007-05-08T18:54:00.000+08:00

it's best you leave me alone, the weight is lifted.

no, unfortunately, it's not funny.

ever wondered how a five letter word can put you into great stress?
sounds impossible but trust..
it's really difficult to regain it once someone has totally misuse it.
that, i understand.

but, at some point don't you think you should be forgiven and be given a chance?
otherwise, nobody would have chance to prove change.
and. that would suck.

at some point, you can't even take it anymore that someone doesn't trust you anymore.
some things you say & do just makes him shiver and get all paranoid.
and pops the question.
no, not the one with "i do" as an answer.
it's the ones which hurt you to bits.
and pieces.

then, you think again.
fine, you misused the trust given so you can't really blame him for not trusting you anymore.

but!!
like i said, at some point.

maybe it's best you leave me alone, the weight is lifted.

[ to be continued & will be edited ]

okay, continuing now. and, less emo. hahahahaha.
that was like so in the moment.
hahaha. after 5 hours, i really i can't feel how emo i felt.

anyway, don't misuse trust when it's given to you full heartedly.
well, if you did. try regain the trust back.
and hope you get the chance to prove a point that you'd never repeat a stupid mistake.

thnks fr th mmrs.

2007-05-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

besides idiotic lifeless malaysian pervert drivers;
besides malaysian drivers who couldn't care less about pedestrians,
besides uneven pavements to walk on,

walking is a bliss.

at a moderate speed, it's therapy.

with a friend, it's quality.

in the rain, it's plain. sexy.
and cold.
and emo.
hahahahahahahahahaha.

~~ifeelused.~~
i'm not how you think i am from just what your goddamn naked eyes see.

oh, happy day!

don't make me strangle you just cause i love you, marz :) don't.
ehehe.
she meets mr. nice guy. sweet. <3

megan, you're killing me here. let me see you & hug your intestines outta your body.

now it's different.
jacq has to stop talking.
i'm her friend. but, she just has to ykno.
i've got more to say. more important. she has to stop.
stop talking, i've got an incoming text.

when we play monkey all over again.
phases, i hate.
sweet sweet phases.
pfft.

i'll be your umbrella. umbrella. umbr.
fine. i won't.

i can't go in there.
i just can't.

i'm scared.
i'm afraid.
i'm terrified.
of the boogie man.

thnks fr th mmrs.
swt mmrs.
my thr b mr.

been acting like someone that fell on the floor!

2007-05-04T18:54:00.000+08:00

so baby
time's gettin' lil crazy
i've been gettin' lil lazy
waitin' for you to come save me
i can see that you're angry
by the way that you treat me
hopefully you don't leave me
wanna take you with me.

if i could escape
and recreate a place as my own world
and i could be your favourite girl
forever perfectly together
tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet?

modnar disease.

what's wrong with you?

2007-05-03T20:20:00.001+08:00

You spent so much time doing work. For school.
Not realizing until you went down to feed your dogs, that you're alone at home.
It's alright. You comfort yourself and keep telling yourself not to fret and nothing will go wrong.

Your mission accomplished. You finish the task given. You took hours. Still, you finished.
You feed your dogs. You've not showered yet. It's okay.

When things need not be under much care, you'd go wash up.

So, someone comes home. Finally. Company, you think. Family. Friend. Happiness.
And you realize you totally forgot to do something. For yourself. and your company.
You got carried away with your work.
Now, you feel bad. So bad, but no, you're not going to show her how unhappy you are.
So, to cover your guilt, you put up a smile.
You start carrying out what you should have done much earlier without a single grumble.

Until she stands behind you, looks at you through the tinted windows you're facing and asks :
What's wrong with you?

You're suddenly filled with the fastest rage ever occurred. The words play in a song over and over again. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you?

You turn, not raising your voice, you whisper those harsh words back at her :
What's wrong with me?
You turn back, continuing what you've started.
Repeating what you said earlier.
What's wrong with me?
And you let out a tiny laughter to push aside your anger.

Thinking of starting a fight. Thinking of standing up for your rights. Thinking of explaining how much work you had and got carried away with it.

You just thought. And never did any of it.

Feeling all sorts of unhappiness anyone can feel, you just can't cry anymore. No more tears.
Now, you wonder. You can't cry. You forgot to do what you were supposed to do.
What's wrong with you?

Maybe, you were a mistake. You can't do anything right.
Maybe, everything is wrong with you. You're plain hopeless & useless.

Maybe only Avril Lavigne, Augustana, Damien Rice, Chris Daughtry and such people are the only ones who can understand you more than you can even start understanding yourself.
They can't feel you. They can't see you. They can't hear you.
Yet, they heal you.

What's wrong with you?

scooters, vacation, fall...

2007-05-03T18:09:00.000+08:00

I always fantasize about producing or giving something nice to/for my school as it is my last year this year. And, for it, I want to be remembered. In a good way, of course.

So, many chances are coming my way and, not one I dare to say "No" to.
I want to do as much work as it takes to leave a beautiful print of myself in the school.
Recently..
one huge surprise, or maybe fatal shock to some, I joined the Sudoku Competition and.
took the "Champion" plate home.
One chance taken & achieved. yay :)
My athletic skills kinda faded since before, so that is a slight let down.
Still, I took & achieved. Not that great, but still.
yay :)

Despite not being there from next year onwards, I want to inspire, not all, but at least a few students somehow some way.
Being in the Arts' Stream is really not because my friends and I are dumb or anything.
We're just more intelligent. Artistically. Not necessarily literally. Prolly, but not necessary.
We're louder, we tend to play. ALOT. We tend to do last minutes almost all the time but still put in our most in everything that comes.
Every hurdle that comes our way, we do the same preparations as you people do.
We just jump differently.
Like a frog prolly.
Anyway, come what may.
Back to my point, I want to be remembered and hopefully stand as an inspiration to some.

Currently, my chance is to create a hilarious dialogue for my school's yearbook.
Preferably, I quote some teachers and students.

You see, when you join a school for less than two years, it's rather difficult to quote anyone for that matter.
Maybe, I can quote my own classmates and a few others who are in the same year as I am.
But, that wouldn't be hilarious to the whole school now would it?

Well, I'm still not giving up. And, I really hope I don't.
I want to do this, not only to be remembered and recognized and for the fame and .. ok, let's not get there.
But I think through this, I can also spy on my own talent bit by bit and see how well I can carry out a task given.

It is a huge risk I'm taking as it will be in the yearbook and signed by me.

OH chocolatefudge. I got myself thinking too far &

*shivers*

I shall draft my script now.

hahahahahahahahaha.

2007-04-28T17:50:00.000+08:00

phobia!

2007-04-27T16:27:00.000+08:00

[x] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness.
[x] Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
[x] Agliophobia - Fear of pain.
[ ] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces
or crowds.
[ ] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or
pointed objects.
[ ] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a
car.
[ ] Androphobia - Fear of men.
[ ] Anginophobia - Fear of choking.
[ ] Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers.
[ ] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or
society.
[ ] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being
touched.
[x] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders.
[ ] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers.
[x] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and
lightening.
[ ] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or
untidiness.
[ ] Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection.
[ ] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
[x] Autophobia - Fear of being alone.

B
[ ] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria.
[ ] Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
[ ] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or
steep slopes.
[ ] Batrachophobia - Fear of
amphibians.
[ ] Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
[ ] Botanophobia - Fear of plants.

C
[ ] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
[ ] Catagelophobia - Fear of being
ridiculed.
[ ] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors.
[ ] Chionophobia - Fear of snow.
[ ] Chromophobia - Fear of colors.
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of
clocks.
[ ] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined
spaces.
[x] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns.
[ ] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
[ ] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs.

D
[ ] Dendrophobia - Fear of trees.
[ ] Dentophobia - Fear of dentists.
[ ] Domatophobia - Fear of houses.
[ ] Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents.

E
[ ] Ecophobia - Fear of the home.
[ ] Elurophobia - Fear of cats.
[x] Entomophobia - Fear of insects.
[ ] Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers.
[ ] Equinophobia - Fear of horses.

G
[ ] Gamophobia - Fear of marriage.
[ ] Genuphobia - Fear of knees.
[ ] Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in
public.
[ ] Gynophobia - Fear of women.

H
[ ] Heliophobia - Fear of the sun.
[ ] Hemophobia - Fear of blood.
[x] Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles.
[ ] Homophobia- Fear Of Homosexuals
[ ] Hydrophobia - Fear of water.

I
[ ] Iatrophobia - Fear of doctors.
[x] Insectophobia - Fear of insects.

K
[ ] Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms.

L
[ ] Leukophobia - Fear of the color
white.
[ ] Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes
and hurricanes.
[x] Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth.

M
[ ] Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.
[ ] Melanophobia - Fear of the color
black.
[ ] Microphobia - Fear of small things.
[ ] Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and
germs.

N
[ ] Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead
things.
[ ] Noctiphobia - Fear of the night
[ ] Nosocomephobia - Fear of
hospitals.

O
[ ]Obesophobia - Fear of gaining
weight.
[ ] Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
[ ] Ombrophobia - Fear of rain.
[x] Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes.
[ ] Ornithophobia - Fear of birds.
[ ] Ostroconaphobia - Fear of seafood.

P
[ ] Papyrophobia - Fear of paper.
[ ] Pathophobia - Fear of disease.
[ ] Pedophobia - Fear of children.
[ ] Philophobia - Fear of love.
[ ] Phobophobia - Fear of phobias.
[ ] Podophobia - Fear of feet.
[ ] Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color
purple.
[ ] Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns.
[ ] Pteromerhanophobia - Fear of
flying.
[ ] Pyrophobia - Fear of fire.

S
[ ] Scolionophobia - Fear of school.
[ ] Selenophobia - Fear of the moon.
[ ] Sociophobia - Fear of social
evaluation.
[ ] Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.

T
[ ] Tachophobia - Fear of speed.
[ ] Technophobia - Fear of technology.
[x] Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder.
[ ] Trypanophobia - Fear of injections.

V-Z
[ ] Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful
women.
[ ] Verminophobia - Fear of germs.
[ ] Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and
witchcraft.
[ ] Xenophobia - Fear of strangers or
foreigners.
[ ] Zoophobia - Fear of animals.

doctor who?

2007-04-27T16:07:00.000+08:00

Just like every Thursday, American Idol is on at 8pm. Mum and I always try not to miss it 'cause on Thursdays, someone will always be eliminated.
And. Yeah, that's the fun part!

So, yesterday's episode(?) was really long and mostly about their new charity event, Idol Gives Back.

Finally, people come to their senses to look out for those in need. ie. HIV positive children, children with AIDS, Katrina victims, orphans etc.

When this episode(?) first started, I was eager to know so much more about Idol Gives Back.

The episode(?) went on. As slow as it could get, I wanted this to last forever. I wanted this to last forever so that I'd never forget all these unfortunate people on the other side of the world. I wanted this to last forever so that I'd realize & appreciate more of what I have.

Pictures and videos of the victims of the Hurricane Katrina kept showing. HIV positive children who are also orphans at the same time are dying and yet, are kept lying down in a tiny, messy, dirty & run down, room.

There are close to or slightly more than, a billion unfortunate kids out there.
This is the first time I've ever cried. Literally, cried. Just by watching TV.
Watching all these videos and looking at all these pictures, I feel somewhat guilty.
In fact, WE should all feel the guilt.

Look, if smokers stop or, fine. reduce. smoking. They'd buy less cigarettes and save lots & lots of money. If alcoholics stop or reduce the consumption of alcohol, a lot less money will be wasted.
If drug addicts turn over a new leaf & head to a rehab center and stop consuming drugs, again, less money will be wasted.

And if all these cash are gathered, I guarantee we could earn millions.
And a dollar a day is all one child needs to cover food for a day.

Imagine a million dollars to the whole society.
Don't you know that feeling? That feeling of "joy after accomplishment"? That feeling of saving not only one live, but a million lives?

We, the more fortunate human beings, take advantage..too much advantage of what we have.

I decide to spend less.
I decide to save as much water as possible.
I decided to save more money.
I decide to donate as much and as soon as I can.

All these happenings make me want to be who I want to be, even more.
And, I'll make it happen.

confidence level : sky high

2007-04-26T19:22:00.000+08:00

..only because I SO know you'll never change.

I shouldn't have accepted the money.
I shouldn't have accepted the Bright Crystal.
I shouldn't have let myself go just like that. A month wasn't long enough.

I am unhappy again. I'd rather not be in good terms with you while you're a goner.
I'd rather live my life knowing you're temporarily out of it.
I'd rather live my life knowing you're a goner & temporarily out of it.

I'd be much happier.

I shall begin the silence once more.
I shall decrease my 'Confidence Level' to 'Normal'.

Talk to you some other time.

or prolly never. i dont care. really.

we're so heroic. i'm so heroic. you're not heroic.

2007-04-25T18:46:00.000+08:00

i see them eyes of brown staring right at me.
i see sweat dripping off his forehead.

i then felt my eyes all over him.
i then felt my sweat pouring down all over my face.
i then felt i must meet this guy.

he stepped closer to me with this big all-teeth nervous smile.
he introduced himself and.

i was born in the year 1993. it's now 2007. so, i'm 21.
i was born in this place they now call "hospital" somewhere in this place we call "Bangsar".
i started preschool when i was, duh, -6 and a half. i studied in some fruit named school, Cempaka.
i went on to primary school and realize i did not not have ultimate super powers.
i was not not able to confuse persons.
i was studying in a school which was not a government school. but a private school.
then, in high school i had had greater powers.
yes, i did.
yes.
i did.

i introduced myself too. we then exchanged numbers and left for superhero classes of our own.
which was, un unfortunately in opposite directions.

now, i'm 23 and finally heroic.
we met up a couple of years later at the SuperDuperHero Convention. there were geeks, and french greeks. and we were neither.

suddenly, i did not find anyone else but a 22-year old me, and him...........

2007-04-24T19:08:00.000+08:00

Samsons - Kenangan Terindah

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itupun aku mampu untuk mengenangmu

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati..

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupmu
Yang tlah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupmu
Yang tlah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

gasp for air while you still can.

2007-04-24T18:21:00.000+08:00

it's been ages, no? been busy.
miss you, bloggee!

aiks. i miss blogging till i don't know what to blog about anymore. ahaha.
mm.some updates i guess.

sean, noah, charlson, amir & loong
shaved their heads.bald.
they all look so cute! they keep going off to places altogether.
walking in class in height-decreasing order.
taking only 32759123 pictures a day.
i love amir's hair. its so freaking sofffft!! and.so is his.scalp. seriously!!

nextt..
i've been trying to keep up with work given.
trying to. progressing. but. yeah. let's just keep it there.
progressing.
my mid terms are coming up. starts on May 11th.
its for like, ten days or something.
and like, SPM is 189 days away.
how freaking freaky is that right?
jeez.
not that
imscaredandnervousthatimightnotdowellandflunksomesubjectsandgetseriouslygrounded.
no no. (:

i went for good charlotte's concert saturday night!
it was gooooood.
the moon was beautiful too ;)
nothing to do with gc but, yeah. it was so huge from where we were.
back to gc. gosh. it was great lah kay.
oooh. and i saw soo many hott kwai lo/ang mo boys! :D

urmm.
oh. my asthma. is. bad bad bad.
like, it's really bad :( and i'm so scared.
i need to take this pill every night to put me to sleep.
tsk.

what do you call a french greek?

so
im happy. and emo. and i have very bad asthma.
freak!
nothing new!
lovies dovies.

downtown with her man.

2007-04-20T22:32:00.001+08:00

Chauffeured over to the Humble Abode. Standing in the middle of roughly, four Walls. Chilled. Chilled air, did the Modern Mechanism produce in minutes.
later, Cold Water blasting, hard out from the Head and onto my Body. every Part, She Cleans Herself.

Clock struck 2;;

Shocked, They Walked. a nice English Speaking Indian Cab Driver they met. Chauffeured over to Peace Station. Pieces of Good Quality Paper Purchased. Slots exist, Papers Inserted.
Enters the Modern Vehicle. Driving. on Air. not literally, but. yeah.

Two other Good Quality pieces of Paper purchased as they hop onto another Similar Vehicle.
a Much Cooler one. Reach destination. They are in the Mall.

Collects concert Tickets. easily. Very easily. within..Minutes. Looking for a place to Eat, they Held Hands & walked Closely to each other. Place Found.
Walking around. Looking at stuff and Laughing at So Many Ugly clothings. Bought some stuff for Her Hair.

the Bookstore is both, their Match. later. Auntie Anne decided to Feed Them with her Specialty.
They then Sat. and Ate. and Talked. and Laughed.

Soon, They Left. the Same Way they Came.

awesomestdayeversofar.
so she says.

green eyed monsters & red boxers.

2007-04-18T20:48:00.000+08:00

we were strolling hand in hand late at night down the huge unlit park. well, the moon was the only source of light. we stopped at a fountain, and kissed. then, we found a bench right in the middle of the park. we sat there, the moon watching over us as we whisper in each others ears how we felt.
at midnight, we started walking back to the apartment..expecting (the obvious) some lurve when we get home. so, we're home. we. yes, we. decided to take a warm rose petal bath with scented candles all around. suddenly, during the warmwarmwarmmm bath

*BUZZ BUZZ*

the alarm goes off. you are supposed to get up right away to..umm..bring your dog for a walk to..pee.
yes. to pee. you. bring. your dog. for a walk. to pee.

frsutrated;
firstly realizing it was a whole fudging dream.
second, it just had to end. at the mostexcitingclimaxyadrenalinerushing part.
lastly, it ended. because of your small bladder-ed b*tch.

rawrr.

hahahahahahahahahahaha. i sound mean.

have you ever got your dreams cut?

'06 senior class - sunday school.

2007-04-14T21:49:00.000+08:00

What token can we offer
You both are great great teachers
So dear and always true.
Some words to honor Uncle Robert & Auntie Jean
A metered verse of poetry.

It's you both, we find unique
With whom we share a bond that's Greek
And a friendship that's especially dear
To stand the test of time for years.

Our mentors and our biggest fans
Who's guided us the best you can
Helped us through the Book
And also lent us a patient ear.

Great wisdom that you both give to us
Helps us to walk the walk & talk the talk
Through our lives, now and ahead
As young Catholic men and women.

Because you both are like family
We've done this for all to see
That in you both we hold great trust
In our lives you are a must.

To have you with us we're blessed
At nurturing, you are the best!
Now with the next batch, we will see
The heroes you both will come to be (again).

How enriched our lives has become
In having you both here to learn from
We'll count on your great wisdom
And will remember your work so awesome!

The great persons we think of
So giving, true and full of love
With endless generosity
Uncle Robert & Auntie Jean;
Thank you for everything.

With much love, hugs&kisses -

lost bad.

2007-04-14T10:05:00.000+08:00

softball meet!

2007-04-12T17:41:00.000+08:00

yes, it was today!
it was creepy. and. ~~crappy~~.

argh! we lost 9-6 for the first game. but. better than anyone expected. so okay lah (:
my pitches were overall. crappy. seriously!! the pressure is amazingly..pressuring.
the teases from the crowd aren't that bad and i didn't really care bout what they all said.

it was fear. thinking ahead. way too far ahead.
thinking about how things will suck when we lose because of MY pitching. rawrr.

i mean, who thinks about that at such a freegyn creepy moment right?
well, i did.
pfft.

then before the second game started, we..
well, me. I.
i lacked confidence and it really got to my guts. and my brain and my buttocks and all. really.
i felt so bad that we lost cause i felt it was all my fault.
when it wasn't really..fully..my fault. lol
so i didn't want the team to lose the second game because of ME.

broke down. i. ;( so much pressure laah. so stressful.

tsk. so.. i didn't train my throws or anything before the match.

when we were called i really wasn't freaking out. i decided to..well..
"fuck. it."

i didn't really take my batting seriously. well, i can't bat for nuts. but i had to run run run. so..i ran. like. a fugging hooligan! :D
it was pretty fun. kept reminding myself that it's my first softball meet in my whole entire life.
and it's not like i practiced batting much. pfft. so, it's just a game. everyone's a winner. (:

aww.
lol.

then it was our turn to field. now, i freaked out. just a lil bit.
come on! im the fugging pitcher ok!!! rawr.

i didn't have semangat. at all. i swear.
plus, Rebecca was the catcher.
omfg.

she's not. my type.
really.
don't you know?!! pitcher & catcher should have some sort of connection!!
i needed marz. BADLY. :( and everyone knew it.

anyway, i pitched a few good balls. and. a few. bowling balls. ahahah.
then, when the bowling balls kept coming...

TIME!! SUB!

i shouted.
and, the biggest smile smacks right on my face =D

i took on first base. and haha. nothing much. cause all the balls they hit damn suck :P

then it started to rain. so..we were losing. like really bad.
13-3!!!!
aiyoyo.

continuation..tomorrow.

chow weyy(;

!!

2007-04-11T17:47:00.000+08:00

"ohmygawd. iamsofuggingpissedatyou!! you're supposed to be here like 30secondsago!!
im neverrrrrrrrrr talking to you again and bloody hell, i mean it, loser!!
oh don't you dare make me smile!! i'll rip your eyes out and kick your balls off your face!! ifuevenfreakinghaveballs!!"

overreact. and cause unhappiness.
like a screwed up drama queen.
rawrr.

calm down, jacq. calm down.

why do all good things come to an end?

2007-04-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

Every time I look at you
my heart skips a beat
I wonder if you know, my love,
that my heart is at your feet
I leave it there for you to do
whatever that you wish
You could take my heart,
and love me,
Or just leave me in this bliss.

Flames to dust,
Lovers to friends.

Why do all good things come to an end?

a pair of white canvas shoes for school.

2007-04-01T18:43:00.000+08:00

..and so it's another bad day.
but, somehow, it's a lil extra sucky today.
everything, litertally everything, i do&say is just plain wrong.

had those days? rawr.

today's ayam day. and im not having any ): are you?

does it matter anymore? tsk.

fuyooh pack.
im using digi again, people.

gonna eat myself up now. later blogee.

play ball!

2007-03-30T21:16:00.000+08:00

I'm standing there, got my hands gripped on tight to the long metal bat, staring straight at the yellow palm-sized ball with fake red stitches across each sides, making it look like a baseball. He stares right back at me.

PLAY BALL!

I swung the bat, and.myself. round and round. After getting back to position, I realise everyone's looking pass me. I turn, and i see the glaring yellow ball waaay behind me.

Everyone starts to laugh.

OUT!
Strike One.

My second attempt.

OUT!
Strike Two.

Third attempt.

"PANG!", as i swung the bat at all the right angles and hit the ball. far far away.

Everyone goes, "Woaaaaaaaaaaah, Jacq!"

Instead of running to First Base right away, I stood there, in total awe. For so long, the coach shouted,

Strike Three.
OUT!

I.was.bummed.out.

So then, I decided to pitch.
I stood there, practicing my steps and arm movements.

"Good throw, Jacq"
"Nice ball."
"Swing, batter, swing!"
* thumbs up*

I.was.so.proud.
I kept on my good throws.

Today, we barely played a proper game.
But I sure did improve my pitching.

I threw like.a.man.
Again,
I.was.so.proud.

I was so serious about throwing good balls as they're planning for me to pitch at the tourney.
I don't want to make a fool out of myself & not throw a good ball.
I don't want to waste my time staying back everyday & not throw a good ball.
I don't want to waste my energy & not throw a good ball.

I want to do well.

Putting your mind on something else, something you find interesting and fun, can help relieve stress. Very well.
The whole time training, I didn't have a single thought about how sad my life is, how hurt I actually am, how someone can be such a hypocrite and stuff.
All I was thinking about was :
How do I catch this ball?
How do i throw it?
Where do i stand?
How many steps to take?
Where's marz? :)
Should I throw a splash ball at Nick now? :)

When I came home today, I was filled with some sort of satisfaction.
And, no. It's not cause the guys took their shirts off.

It's more like,
Relief.

Letting go your pain, hurts, and anger once in awhile is really really really

satisfying.

i love softball:)

hi. im interested. in myself. bye, person-who-has-such-a-sad-life.

2007-03-25T18:48:00.000+08:00

we have only uncountable friends. most of them are always always always there for us.
to hang out. to have fun.

when youre suddenly going through roughroughrough waters, and you just need a shoulder to cry on, someone to lean on, someone to hear you out, support and stuff. you go to them as they are your friends. well, you thought. they just slowly ignore you. ignore you politely. and they do it so well, youve got nothing to say.

except for the fact that you tell yourself they are really not friends. theyre plain. human beings. and that you guys are somehow, not. meant to be. friends, i mean.
except for another fact that you start thinking&realizing everyone is so interested in. their own. lives.

i notice that there are about 3 out of every 5 people who are really, literally, surely very much engrossed&interested in their own lives. and not anyone else's. be it youre a friend, a relative or even a family member. they live for themselves. theyre busy. so so busy. doing things. running around. all for themselves. they have no time for sad friends who owns a sad sad life. the only have friends whom they have time for is. well, friends who will benefit them.

honestly, now, i feel i can be like that too. to one person. and that one person only.
i can can can shut my door and triple lock it in his face.
and, never open it. oh. and there wouldn't even be an eye hole. :)
sweet sweet life. shutting out unimportant people who always hurt me to my bones. and just live with happy happy nice people :)

it is, sometimes, worth it living for yourself. it brings much more happiness living for yourself instead of caring about a certain who just plain pisses you of fall the time. abuses you in every way possible. hurt you loved ones and stuff.

i am going to live for myself. and not for you, ever.

do you often meet people and start hanging out with them and then slowly&suddenly realize he/she is really not the type of friend you want to keep? even if you guys hang out EVERY SINGLE DAY. you guys meet EVERY SINGLE DAY. you SO know that no doubt all these often meets and chats, you guys are just not meant to have a long term friendship. its more like a phase.

like, later on in life you'd be saying "oh i once met this really ... guy/girl. and we hung out a lot."

i used to care about these people i meet. and believe me, i have met quite a number of them.
well, yeah, i used to care.
now, i know. we wont go far. and i dont like the way you are. and youre not like me. youre not the type whom i can talk to. and we have totally different interests. i think way different than you do.

disappointment.

where've you been?

2007-03-23T17:59:00.000+08:00

Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves.
People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own, 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly.
In the end, you need to choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!

Okay,
one. i love to eat & i eat alot.i weigh 40 kgs.
two. i have a really loud & long 2 beat laugh when something's REALLY funny.
three. i love this number. and i have no idea why.
four. crows in TTDI make me wanna live life like there's no tomorrow.
five. i have slight OCD.
six. i have a thing for europeans too. right, Lai? ;)

and the 5 :
megan,
laila,
alex,
sandra BEE!,
tim

come back down&come around.

2007-03-21T22:18:00.000+08:00

boat ride.

2007-03-18T19:15:00.000+08:00

To a certain someone out there. I find this rather intellectual. Just wait and see. :)

So, as titled, 'Boat Ride'. Megan & I went for one today at Lake Gardens, KL.
It has been only a gazillion years since I was on a boat thinggy. Yes, on.a.boat.

Despite being under scorching sun at 3 pm in the afternoon. My urge was stiff. Rock hard. Nothing could stop me from going on the boat ride.
Actually, it was more like a 'need' than just an urge. I felt like I needed this. I felt it would be an amazing experience and there was something to gain from it. Something good.

Well, being low on cash brought me a step closer to not go for it. But, Megan managed to fulfill my neeeeeeed. :) I owe you.

Life jackets were given. And we were somehow forced to wear it. The guardian made us put it on before we got on the lil blue paddle boat with 2 seats. As I was putting he life-jacket on, I made my way onto the stumbling boat. Giggling out of excitement. I sat on the right side. Megan then made her way onto the boat, giggling too.
There were a pair of paddles on my side, and a pair on hers. A door handle-like steer was in between us. 'R' was painted one one side, and 'L' on the other. Indicating directions to steer. Right, and Left.

Paddle, paddle, paddle. "Jaaacq! To the left, to the left!!" Megan shrieked. And, she's the one steering. Throughout the whole 60 minutes, we were screaming directions, paddling at different paces, stopping under shades because our knees hurt, laughing cause our butts got wet and, well, I, was thinking of what to talk about.

*cricket cricket*

Half way, I decided to steer. It wasn't as simple as i thought it would be. I had to estimate quite a bit. I had to have pretty precise estimations. If that's possible. SO many times, we went a lil too far to the left and vice versa. We had to struggle when making a detour back on track.

We saw about 5 fountains ahead of us. Yes, we paddled to it, then, through it. During this, I could feel my heart skipping at 576923 miles per second. It was smiling. Smiling so wide. from corner to corner. Only, it couldn't be seen. All these action was hidden, deep inside of me. On the outside, I did, smile & laugh & scream. But, that cannot compare to how i really felt, inside.

We made our way back to where we came from. We kept looking around for company. Laila&Steph, Tim&amp;Mae, Kevin&Inigo, Jox&SandraB, Nick T&Amanda. They were around us -- every now and then. Not all the time. Just, at unexpected moments.

We, well, I, could see brilliant smiles on everyone's sweaty face. Again I say, despite being under scorching sun, there were yards&yards of smiles. Whether it was the first time or 1934508th time paddling a boat, everyone seemed like it was their first time. Everyone decided to let their hair down. Decided to acknowledge their inner child.

So, that was the fun boat ride I had today.

Notice, life. Our lives are somewhat similar. Not the same. Not exactly. Not a mirror image. Similar. To a boat ride. One simple RM6 boat ride.

Our parents especially, are always bugging us about safety. Take care of our littler siblings. Be more than alert when walking in a crowded area. Cross the road according to the law. Don't flaunt valuables. We always say they 'bug'. Yet, we still do the things they tell us. Somehow flashbacks of these 'bugs' keep coming to our heads when in such situations.

We have two directions in life. In most situations, there's always two opposites meeting each other. And, all we have to do is use the steer given. Steer ourselves onto the right path.
Whenever we make the wrong turn, we struggle to get out of there as soon as we can. No matter the struggle, how much energy we need to lose, how much time it takes, we want to get back on the right track.

Everyone has someone important in life. Someone who means the world to us. Someone we can lean on. Someone who's genuine&pure. And we love them. To death.
In many cases in my life so far, this special person is Megan. :)

Many times in life we look forward to certain kinds of activities that gives us that great adrenaline rush to the bones. Maybe, for once. Or whatever. You want to be happier. Smile a lil wider. Laugh a lil louder. Scream for joy a lil more. Paddle into a fountain once in awhile.

Peers. Friends. Family. Acquaintances.
They can't always be there. Or, they're not always there. We want them. We then fix eyes at the back of our heads, keeping in touch with all other loved ones that hasn't been with you while moving on with life.

Find time to smile at your achievements and such. Even though you're not going through the best times in your life.
A smile cant take that long a time now can it?

I want another fun RM6 boat ride.

A motivator. An inspiration.
To Me :)

effort made, goals achieved !

2007-03-17T11:32:00.000+08:00

-- in a very small scale. but, still.

Finally,
I did those complicated HTML STUFF all by myself!

I finally resized my Blog picture - I wanted to this like 25629347629 years ago.
I got a Tagboard on my Blog!! look look >>
I resized fonts, aligned certain titles and stuff !!
I linked friends! to..my..link? Whatever! I did that thing where you can come to my Blog and click on their names on the right under the title 'Links', and their Blog will appear! :D:D

Now deeear Laila and Ashwin who always-help-me-in-these-cause-they-love-me-oh-so-much, can live in peace cause i wont be bugging you guys anymore!

Well, lesser lah. Still not pro..yet.

happy post :D yay!

he has a bell to let me know where he is.

2007-03-16T17:34:00.000+08:00

means the most to you.
you thought.

you'll love forever.
you thought.

perfect role model.
you thought.

best person in the world.
you thought.

and, one day, you realize the opposite. you realize how bad she can actually be. you realize a different person in her. you realize you need to look for love.outside. help.outside.

you are so mad. that you have no idea what to do. because all your life, well, all 16 years of your life, you realize now, that you have been stereotyping this person as 'the one'.

what to do? how to move on knowing she is not the one you expect them to be?

you could lean on her..only when she was going through the same.
when you had/have your problems and try talk to her, she never really cares.

now, you realize, she doesn't even listen to what you've been saying all this while.
you feel unimportant & unwanted. isolated. because she was always there for you.you thought.

the yearly resolution of not throwing a tantrum or even showing the slightest bit of anger, is now slowly being unfulfilled. it happens not everyday, but on days when you least expect it.

you've been doing rather well with the resolution. just a few more months and, finally, a resolution unbroken. fulfilled with no doubts along the way.

and now, she's the reason. to why your resolution is going to be unfulfilled.

is this the Patience Test you were telling me about? the one where God or our inner-self or our conscious is testing our patience? to see if we can handle it well enough?

prolly. but, this post is not meant to have any sort of conclusion.in any way.

sincerely,
me.

in her shoes.

2007-03-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

not everyone in the same household will own the same beliefs.

god didn't want peace. he did out division.

human nature to judge.
leave it to god?

then, you tell me. god sends messages through people, words etc.
maybe, god is judging. through us.

maybe. just maybe.

choices disagreed by, only the most important people in your life.
choice made. and, it brought you eternal happiness & success.

i asked. just once. and they answered.
but, when i knock and seek,

no one. no soul. opens and shows.

we shall pester. and pester. and pester.
so he'll know, we are thinking about him.

reverse psychology.
B.C - 2007 ( encounting )

still not happy.

2007-03-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

Is being 'down-to-earth' not being religious?

triple post. well, 2. and half a quarter.

you already know. i wanna love you.

Fuel - Bad Day.
Jack Johnson - Better Together.

& i know.

This, is like one of those situations where we think we're gonna be in.
but we don't end up in there.

well, im in there alright.

i end.with.
Paula Deanda - Walk Away.

baby, it's a wild world.

2007-03-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

Double-Post Day.

All because of.you.

[ deleleleleted ]

april came early this year.

2007-03-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

there's no combination of words i could put on the back of a postcard...
but i can try for your heart

our dreams, you know?
they're made up of real things;
like a shoe box of photographs.

all of these moments might find their way into my dreams tonight.
but i know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings and brings new things.
tomorrow night you see, that they'll be gone too.

but if all of these dreams find their way into my day to day scene,

i'd be under the impression;

i was somewhere in between, with only two :
just me and you.

as the gloss fades...

2007-03-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

My dear Malaysian Chindian buddy who's all the way in stinking Canada, Alex.

I miss you.
Can't wait for June.or, was that July.Where we'll meet again.Reunite with the gang from Bestari.
Attend Bestari's Night like always.Try come back for Prom too -- That'd be fcking awesome!The whole gang at Prom. woot.

Oh and,
Finally.Something we can handle..This is splendid.

[[ Read long e-mails while listening to emo music.mmm. ]]

lovies;;
Jacq.

ps. am craving for margarita // vodka // shandy. HELP.

Megan, make me the yummy Margarita we had at your place during Christmas last year.
Marz, I want the one i had at Hartamas that night.
Xin, open the so-damn-cute bottle of Absolut. Please.
&save those cans for me ya? Sean, it's not some chinese herbal tea. dont fool me.

:)

have you had your 'Split second' moment?

2007-03-08T09:54:00.000+08:00

you're not working, still studying, still single.
you're staying at your friend's for a week.

you. always being a dear. decide to cook lunch, for the both of you.
sausages, eggs, ham, bacon.

so, you're never such a klutz. but somehow,
you accidentally left the stove in his kitchen running.

everything's up in flames in a split second.
everything.burnt.fire everywhere.

this was totally unintentional. it was an innocent mistake.

despite how unintentional it was. despite how innocent the mistake. you did it.

now, all you have to do is..put the fire out, clean up the huge mess, throw out all the burnt items, find money as soon as possible to replace all hundred burnt items, apologize & maybe
start looking out for new friends - despite how much you don't want to because he's such an amazing friend.

tell me how long&hard it takes to for you,
a single-still-studying-student, to clear the mess you made.
clear it off his head too. you still wanna be friends.

snarky sarcasm.

2007-03-07T18:19:00.000+08:00

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.
In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!
And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.
Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

panicking pancake.

2007-03-01T21:06:00.000+08:00

so, it happens again.

desperate times call for desperate measures.

laila made me. again. i know. rawr.

so, she kinda reunited with a bestie, mariam. yay :)
so did i!

nice feeling, no?

LAILA IS SHY.
pfft.

[[ very very exciting details has just been deleleleleted due to laila's paranoia. ]]

ahaha. oh well.

laila is SO JUMPING WORRIED about sunday. and i know it.

don't. i love you kay. :)

PEOPLE! please confirm with us bout sunday lah. hajoooe. anders.

oh. i had my last paper today, mod math.
panicking like a jumping bean. :(
time was like.so.skipping.short.

MEGAN. where have you been lah? haven't seen you since tuesday night.
havent' been coming online? :( i miss yoooou.

can't wait for sunday. or saturday if we're going to the park still.

anywhoots. im pretty much done here.

happy, lai to the la? ;)

now now, give me a better idea next time. im not always this desperate. :)
love you to bits and pieces; so tiny you cant even see with a high power micromicromicroscope.

<3

the sunrise.

2007-02-28T18:16:00.000+08:00

The grey begins to fade,

As colour creeps from leaf to limb.

The light is slowly seeping up,

From beneath the earth's curved rim.

The sky blue strengthens slowly,

Glazed with hues of orange and red.

Slowly as the earth revolves,

The sun lifts up it's head.

Colours shimmer in the light

And shapes begin to unveil.

The trees and flowers separate,

With the dawn light rosy and pale.

The sun climbs higher in the sky.

It's light shimmering and warm.

All things now are clearly seen.

A new day has been born.

primary friends.

2007-02-27T17:13:00.000+08:00

literally.
wait, no no.
oh, maybe it is.

oh whatthefrog.

primary school friends :)

there.

so, in school today, i was thinking of this one michelle & that i reallyreallyreally gotta ask her for some advice.

i come home. i eat, sleep & start studying. fine, i couldn't really study so i come online. just for an hour :) then i see an IM name, michie.

im like, all whoopteedoo ready to ask her for advice!

i start messaging her this whole thing bout advice.
called her "mommay" as i always do.

then, this 'michie' asks me if i got the wrong person.

guess what.
no, don't.

i've nvr done such a silly thing before. omgomgomg. thank god 'michie' was michelle tan from my primary school!

well, it was a pretty good mistake i made. cause, we'd never greet each other. even if we met outside, we nevernevernever stop for a chat. and we were like friends before. i know. pfft.

so, we start talking bout all these kid memories & stuff. it felt really nice knowing we're still friends ahaha. some assurance.

when we were younger, we were saying stuff like "friends forever" and "friends for life" and and and "i'll never forget you" etc.

despite the reallyreallyreallyreallylong recess we had apart, we sure didn't forget each other & working up our way to being "friends for life" !

yay, us!

all you bestarians ('97-'02) who has lost contact with me, Jacq.
pleeeease contact me!
OR leave your contacts somewhere here, comment me or something.
ahaha. i really miss you guys.

jacy_roxz@hotmail.com
email me! or add me on MSN.
0173765286. call meeee!

lovies.

frienemies

2007-02-26T17:01:00.000+08:00

we are.

just pull the trigger and we'll drop the 'fri' in frienemies:)

i hate to have enemies. or like, hate someone, so..

frienemy lah..

that post was really-really-angry-jacq.

friendly neighbour.

2007-02-24T22:55:00.000+08:00

its been..what? 4291683479238 years since we were as close as when we were tiny lil todds?
yeah, i think im pretty close.

dancing to ~~S Club 7~~ songs, washing our hair in my room, exchanging clothes&accessories&everything else possible,going through our mum's make-up,
debating about Christina A. and Britney S.&laughing about everything we say;

memories. that's it. sweet sweet memories.

then, we drew apart. like, really apart.

we're now in the same school&we have this distant friendship thing going on.
you have your click, and i have mine.
we fought.

wasn't major. well, kinda.

oh, what the heck. we made up in the end :)

still, we had our own friends. communication was t h i s m u c h l e s s e r than anything that could be lesser.

what am i talking about? gahh.

anyway, yeah.

today, at your place. all the memories rushed back in my head in a split second. like, everything.
i was helping with the kitchen stuff, running all over your oh-so-very-renovated-different-looking house (it looks really good), serving friends water, washing up dishes, having conversations with the Wong family, going up to your room to lie on your bed, looking at our pics you have..

it felt so good.
i felt happy. oh so very happy :)

knowing now, for sure, our friendship is still in existence & its still pretty strong.

xin, i love you long time! :)

ps. i wish i was living in that house still. the one opposite yrs. that was how we met, no?
if it wasn't for those few intelligent architects & contractors, earthly ingredients and that piece of land; we would have never met. &that would be sad. so sad. lol!

place your bet.

2007-02-23T23:57:00.000+08:00

what am i doing?

why am i doing this?

someone. tell me.

pleeeease.

i've never felt so lost.

deal, off.

2007-02-23T17:11:00.000+08:00

im sitting here, listening to frogging loud angry sad soul emo music, very eager to write something so bad about you. and me. :)

in or out of the stupid relationship, we still get into fire burning miscommunication & misunderstandings.

despite, i still gave you. and me. a chance. i still talk to you. even for freaking fun. i just talk. have conversations. laugh. whatever.

today really proved that we can never bloody well get along.

i really really misunderstood you. and whatever i read.
you were a lil too late.

i cried the kidney outta me.
i never slammed -dunk an off-white wooden door so rainbow hard in someone's face.
until today.

you actually had the butterfly guts to call me what you used to.

one simple sentence leads to another and leads on to a humungous electrifying i-hate-you moment -- like, it has always been happening.

have a pleasant life. prolly with fcking miss ong.
i hope quah'll bang the heck outta you.

thismucho'love.
go figure.

blended --

2007-02-22T22:33:00.000+08:00

well enough for two totally-opposite-emotions to be felt at the same time.

S - U - C - K - S.

for the whole week now, i've been feeling rather down. sad&angry&depressed&upset..it goes on..
been reacting over everything. pissing friends off, i think. always needing somebody to control & console me. like, 24/7. but no one could provide such. i don't blame ya'll, really. mmh.

okay, i kinda do. but i know, i shouldn't. :)

anywho.

now, i'm less blended. just crushed. but still yummy. :)

i love to laugh. i love mario. i love my brother.
despite whatever we go through, we can still get along pretty well. like lil monkeys :)
my brother. he makes me laugh at anything. makes up the most stupidest. yes, most stupidest - jokes ever.
he can be the most annoying creature on earth. but he'll always be my brother whom i lovehate oh-so much. :)

he has officially put my emo-ness to an end, for now. thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks!
iloveyoubro. xo

<3iceblendedmocha.

and, exhale.

2007-02-21T22:15:00.000+08:00

im so upset.
so very very upset. :)

foemily.

2007-02-20T10:02:00.000+08:00

on the surface :
exchange of smiles&laughter, compliments flow, hugs&kisses go on&on..
what a perfect happy family. :)
flawless.

then, a slight miscommunication occurs.
a "raise-voice session" kicks off between the golden people.
we hear it, we stop our noise & try eavesdropping.

we didn't have to anyway. cause in the end, it was all out. in front of our faces during supper & breakfast.

did you hear what she said?! *gossip* gossip*gossip*
jacq, be careful. you're the victim here. tomorrow she might just ask you if we talk bout her here. when you answer, don't hesitate. when you do, she knows we've been talking bout her.

nod was all i could do. nod & watch grey's.

next day, different people.

instead, he asked J. J hesitated & said "huh? nolaah. we just bathe, eat & watch tv. ddn't talk much also." -in hokkien.
i was terrified. she was lying. to her dad! but, what could we do anyway.

we're all the way in KL. that's a circumstance to hold us back from visiting her every now & then.
she lives here, down the street, why can't she just play her role as a daughter? despite her "busy" schedule for her daughter & herself. why not leave space for mom?
yes, yes true.
they can never get along. when i know things are boiling a lil too much, i shut them both up.
that's my way.
she is this, she is that. . .

it goes on.

sitting there. hearing 3 sides of a story. knowing how each think of whoever.
hurts me. very much.

this shows how people can be two-faced. rather, three-faced -- in any situation possible.
this scares me. it gets me thinking of how life is/would be/had been like with people like them all around me.

family or foe?
now, i wonder.

It pays.

2007-02-16T18:29:00.001+08:00

Double-post day, i know, WOW.

We're turning 17 this year, we've been in the same SS class all our lives..yet..we were never friends.
At first, we just couldn't find a reason to be friends.
Slight teasing here&there. That was it.
We never talked face to face. It was always front stabs. No talk.
Then, you left the country. Came home with a totally different style & attitude.
I'm sure I changed too.
But both personalities were there. Still there. Same ol' same ol'.

So, mocking one another, extreme mocking, cursing, fck facing, front stabbing, EVERYTHING. Only these existed whenever both of us knew we were around.

I admit, I've always been the meaner one between us.
But, just because, that doesn't mean you had to have thoughts of shooting me down. LOL.

Anyway, being the man, you added me on MSN. How shocked I was, you'd never know.
We started talking about the bitter past. Not going around the bush, just strrrraight to the points.
Being the woman, I apologized, sincerely.
You, being the man, apologized & forgave me right there.
I expected to still be hated even if I apologized. Honestly.

Well, thanks for forgiving me. :) AND, you're also forgiven, you already know that. LOL.

We exchanged numbers & now you're all the way in New Zealand.
When you get back, you gotta lose to me in pool, okay? :)

I don't regret anything that happened, because, if it wasn't for all those immaturity, we would never patch up & be friends!
And, you just said you agree. LOL.

I'm not dead&I'll never have you think that scary thought, ever.

slight abundance.

2007-02-16T18:08:00.000+08:00

The time of the year is coming again. The only time my cousins&i are reunited for a reason.
My dearest 5&only Chinese cousins. pop pops, watching a gazillion dvd's in a row & see who falls asleep first, eating & eating & eating popo's delicious food.

It's not that it's not enough, but, i think :
Why can't we do all these throughout the year?
Why can't we be as close as other cousins are?

I'd really really love to.

Oh well, if this is all I'm getting. Fine. I'm happy.

BUT..
I can be happier, you know? :)

Mr. BIG.

2007-02-08T18:30:00.000+08:00

When I first looked into your eyes
each breath became a thousand sighs.
My heart drummed out a thunder beat
I glowed with joy from head to feet.
The hand of love had touched my soul,
as the bell of destiny began to toll.
The tide of love began to rise,
the world was filled with summer skies.
My sodden clouds of cold and grey
glowed with gold, then wisped away.
A brilliant rainbow arched across,
as waves of love began to toss.
The air was filled with lovebird cries,
when I first looked into your eyes.

When I first looked into your eyes,
all time and space were paralyzed
And in that instant, I was shown
a universe I had never known.
I dwell there still, in Paradise,
when I look into your eyes.

Faith Mattke.

You're
Clownlike, happiest on your hands,
Feet to the stars, and moon-skulled,
Gilled like a fish. A common-sense
Thumbs-down on the dodo's mode.
Wrapped up in yourself like a spool,
Trawling your dark, as owls do.
Mute as a turnip from the Fourth
Of July to All Fools' Day,
O high-riser, my little loaf.

Vague as fog and looked for like mail.
Farther off than Australia.
Bent-backed Atlas, our traveled prawn.
Snug as a bud and at home
Like a sprat in a pickle jug.
A creel of eels, all ripples.
Jumpy as a Mexican bean.
Right, like a well-done sum.
A clean slate, with your own face on.

essence of forgetting.

2007-02-06T18:16:00.000+08:00

to be with you - mr. big
mmm ;)

In the mornings, for the past week..
I think of soooo many excellent topics to write about in here..
Feeling excited&drafting out points after points in my head.
All ready to blog when I get home.

So, when Im home..and its time to blog..
I type www.blogger.com in the address bar, sign-in, click "New Post" ..then..
GUESS WHAT!

I have literally nothing in my head. Like, no topic to blog about.
AND THE WORST PART IS,
I KNOW I had like really really reallllllly

awwwwesoming-darn-diggety-good

stuff on my mind earlier that day..

This has been happening to me for a whole week now. &it totally sucks.
hmphff. =(

this post is officially dedicated to Sandra Yap a.k.a Bee!
Thanks to Bee I got something to write today :D
..about not writing for a week! THAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKS!

i love you, you lifesaver :)